The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
By the advice of her father, who was greatly enraged at the treatment
which his daughter had received, both suits had been instituted.
When the day of trial arrived, there was an immense crowd in the hall
of justice, all of whom sympathized with the young lady. In the action
for slander, Pate had pleaded the truth in justification. By the rules
of pleading, in so doing he admitted the speaking of the words
complained of, and undertook to prove that they were true. But to his
utter dismay he had no witnesses to establish the proof, as no one but
Juliet and himself were present when the assault was made upon him. To
put him in a worse position before the jury, the fair plaintiff
succeeded in proving an alibi, by calling several witnesses to the stand
who swore that, on the very evening when the assault was alleged to have
been committed at the fountain under the trees, Juliet was some ten
miles away at the house of her grandmother. Pate, when he heard this
testimony, was immeasurably shocked at the corruption and villainy of
mankind; for had he not sat by her side on the rustic bench? had he not
taken her fair hand in his own and lifted it to his lips? had he not
felt the blow from her fist which had knocked him from his seat? had he
not beheld her standing over him with her garments fluttering in his
face, and the terrible cudgel in her hand? had he not besought the
infuriated Amazon to have mercy on him, while she was ruthlessly beating
him, until he became insensible?--and now these false and perjured
witnesses, bribed, no doubt, by her father's money, had sworn that she
was some ten miles distant from the scene of the outrage!
Pate being unable to establish the truth in justification, the counsel
for the plaintiff took occasion to arouse the indignation of the jury
against the defendant. He traveled beyond the evidence, as zealous
advocates will often do, and told them that this man had basely
slandered a respectable young lady in order to extenuate his own
dishonorable conduct in trifling with her affections by shamefully
violating his promise of marriage. He called the attention of the jury
to the absurdity of the charge which Pate, by his plea, alleged to be
true. Could any sane person believe that a young lady, with a hand so
small and delicate, could double her fist and knock down a bulky man
like Pate, and then beat him unmercifully with a heavy bludgeon? And
where was the proof of the allegation in the defendant's plea? While he
had produced no evidence in support of his preposterous charge, the
plaintiff had demonstrated its falsity by establishing an alibi. In a
peroration, abounding in vituperation, he then demanded vindictive
damages as a punishment for this base and abominable slander. When he
had closed his argument, the feelings of the jury were so excited that
they retired, and in a few moments returned, with a verdict awarding
twelve thousand dollars to the plaintiff as damages for the injury which
she had sustained.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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