The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
On the following day the suit for breach of promise of marriage was
tried. As men seldom make promises of marriage in the presence of
witnesses, in actions of this sort much of the proof is inferential. It
was proved that Pate was in constant attendance on the young lady; that
every evening he was seated by her side in her father's parlor, or
taking romantic walks in her company, by moonlight, with her arm locked
in his own; that in the morning he would walk with her to gather wild
flowers in the forest; that in the afternoon he would be seen riding
with her in lonely and unfrequented roads; and several witnesses swore
that they had seen him on his knees before her, apparently making a most
tender appeal. The Irishwoman testified to the scene in the
rocking-chair, and said that he was praying to her, and asking her "if
she had no heart at all, at all." The woman was asked if she could
recollect what day it was on which she had witnessed the scene in the
rocking-chair. She said it was the twenty-first day of May, because on
that day the bantam hen had hatched a brood of chickens, and she had
marked the date of the successful incubation on the top of the hen-coop.
A letter, from Pate to Juliet, was then produced, dated the twenty-fifth
of May, in which he spoke of the promise he had made her, and which he
would never forget. The nature of this promise was not explained by the
context; but so powerful was the impression made on the minds of the
jury, that, after the closing argument of the counsel for the plaintiff,
in which the character of M. T. Pate was torn to tatters, they retired,
and soon returned with a verdict awarding damages to the injured lady to
the amount of twenty thousand dollars.
In each case a motion for a new trial failed, and the judgments were
soon followed by executions, under which the whole of Pate's property
was seized and sold. He bore his reverses with fortitude until he saw
old Whitey under the auctioneer's hammer, when his firmness forsook him,
and he was seen to shed tears. When the judgments were satisfied but a
small sum remained. Pate was compelled to remove from his beautiful
residence, and obtained lodgings in the boarding-house where the
Professor and the five respectable maiden ladies had dwelt for many
months.
Not long afterwards he was informed by one of the respectable maiden
ladies that Juliet, with the proceeds arising from the sale of his real
and personal estate in her possession, had been married to Romeo, to
whom she had become reconciled. M. T. Pate had no ill feelings towards
this young man, and could not help pitying him. He predicted, in the
presence of the Professor and the five respectable maiden ladies, that
Romeo would be murdered by Juliet, in cold blood, before the end of the
honeymoon.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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