The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
"Yes; going to dig gold," said Love. And he and Dove tapped the toes of
their boots with their little canes, while Bliss pulled off his new silk
hat and smoothed his odoriferous locks.
"Hercules is going," said Gideon.
"Are you, indeed?" asked Love, looking up at Hercules.
"Yes," said Hercules, "as soon as I have bid my mother good-by."
"Is Mrs. Foot in town?" inquired Love.
"She is, and would be so glad to see you," said Gideon. "Come with us
and bid Mrs. Foot good-by, and Hercules will go with you to the ship."
"Let us go and bid Mrs. Foot good-by," said Love, looking at his two
companions.
"We will go," said Dove.
"Let us go," said Bliss.
"Come," said Gideon. And the three little men accompanied the gigantic
father and son to the residence of Mrs. Sampson. They entered the house,
and were conducted by Gideon, through a large front apartment, to a back
parlor, which communicated, by a door, with a room in the rear.
"Take seats, gentlemen," said Gideon. "Mrs. Foot will be with you in a
moment."
Gideon returned to the hall where Hercules was waiting.
"Go fetch the parson," said Gideon. "Make haste!"
Hercules hurried away, and Gideon returned to the back parlor and locked
both doors. He then stood in the middle of the floor and elevated
himself to his full height, so that his head almost seemed to touch the
low ceiling, as he gazed sternly at Love, Dove, and Bliss, who sat on a
sofa, and who now began to tremble.
"Look here!" said Gideon, "I am a man of few words. Do you know what you
have got to do?"
"What?" said Love, looking dreadfully frightened.
"You three fellows have been hanging around my daughters for the last
six months," said Gideon. "You have come to the house in the morning;
you have come in the afternoon; you have come at all hours, and the
girls have had no time to do any household work on account of you. Even
at night, when they were in bed, you would be under their windows making
more noise than so many tomcats with your serenades. Now, what do you
intend to do?"
"Nothing," said little Love, very meekly.
"Nothing!" exclaimed the gigantic Gideon Foot. "Nothing! Just say that
again and I will wring your neck! Come! I'll have no fooling! You have
got to marry my three daughters!"
The eyes of the three little men widely dilated, and were fixed on
Gideon's towering form, but their tongues were silent; they were dumb
with terror.
"You have got just ten minutes to make up your minds. If you don't agree
to marry my daughters, I will come back in ten minutes and wring your
necks."
Gideon left the room and locked the door.
"What shall we do?" said Love.
"He has locked the door," said Dove.
"He'll murder us!" said Bliss.
"We had better marry the young ladies," said Love.
"You will take Cleopatra," said Dove.
"And you will take Theodosia," said Love.
"And Bliss will marry Sophonisba," said Dove.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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