The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
"It is one of the Clouds of Magellan riding on the back of Old Boreas,"
said the Professor.
"No," cried Tom Seddon, "it is the gigantic ghost of the poor booby
coming to haunt Moses for the deep damnation of his taking off."
The optical orbs of Moses expanded wider and wider, as the form of the
winged monster loomed larger and larger, until, with a flap of its
tremendous pinions, it came alongside, and, after several times sweeping
around the ship, finally settled down on the water in the wake.
The Professor having ascertained that this object, on which Moses was
gazing with wonder and awe, was an albatross, attached a piece of pork
to a line and threw it overboard, with an invitation to the stranger to
lay hold, so that he might hoist him on board. The gigantic bird eagerly
accepted the invitation, and snatching the delicious morsel in his beak,
held on with a pertinacity which indicated his appreciation of the
prize. And now he was seen to stretch out his neck with an extraordinary
projection, and his huge body following it at a run, beating the water
with two enormous wings, over the poop he came, with a tremendous
fluttering, and down on the deck, where he stood like a prodigious
goose, wholly unable to define his position.
The creature walked the deck with a curious stare, until coming in
proximity to M. T. Pate, it stopped and gazed in his face, when some
wicked wag cried out,--
"Put a saddle and bridle on him, Mr. Pate."
"By all means," cried another passenger; "and if the Brazilian
man-of-war should overhaul the vessel, you can ride away on the back of
your winged courser and easily effect your escape."
These suggestions so irritated Pate that he suddenly seized a handspike
and dealt the albatross a blow, the lethal effects of which laid it a
lifeless corpse at his feet. There was a loud hurrah for the Noble Grand
Gander, and Pate, boiling with indignation, walked forward and leaned
against the forecastle.
He was now sternly denounced by Old Nick, who told him, in emphatic
terms, that he would never have any more good luck as long as he lived;
and Peter and Paul coincided with him in the prediction. Not many
moments elapsed before these vaticinations of ill fortune began to be
verified. Neptune, with indignation, had beheld the murderous deed, and
prepared a fitting punishment. He sent a huge wave, which broke over the
bow with a crash. The sailors saw it coming and sprang into the rigging;
while the assassin of the albatross was knocked off his feet and went
wallowing into the scupper. Amidst loud and boisterous laughter, M. T.
Pate hurried into the cabin with a stream of salt-water flowing from the
tail of his coat; while a number of voices commenced singing,--
"A life on the ocean wave,
A home on the rolling deep," etc.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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