The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
One night there was a dead calm upon the waters, and not a sound was
heard except the flapping of a sail as the ship rolled over a wave, or
the monotonous notes which proceeded from the perforations in the nasal
protuberance of the melancholy Pate, who had fallen asleep as he sat on
his stool. But suddenly there is an unnatural noise, and a frightful
fluttering overhead, and down it comes--a ghostlike creature!--long,
lean, and spectral!--with two gigantic wings beating wildly about! With
a chorus of strange cries it tumbles upon deck, upsetting the unlucky
Pate, who with a loud yell of terror, rolls over and over into the
scupper; while Peter and Paul, headed by Old Nick, rush thither and
mingle with a crowd of passengers who come from the cabin. And there
they behold poor Pate lying on his back in the scupper, and yelling
"murder," with the strength of his lungs; while over him stands Moses,
glorying in his achievement. He had espied a booby-bird roosting upon
the mainyard, and with a catlike step crept up and effected its capture.
And thus the sudden and unexpected descent of the two boobies upon the
deck was the cause of all this commotion. The position of Pate, as he
lay on his back in the scupper, bawling "murder!" with the booby beating
him with its wing, was exceedingly ludicrous. He was now teased until he
was driven to the border of desperation. Tom Seddon had, with
thoughtless levity, revealed the existence of the Mystic Brotherhood,
and made known the fact that M. T. Pate was the Noble Grand Gander of
the order. After this revelation there was no more peace for poor Pate
on board the ship. At the table some one would call out in a loud voice
and inquire if the Noble Grand Gander would be helped to a piece of the
duff, when there would be a general roar of laughter. In the morning,
when he came from his bunk, many would inquire, with mock respect, after
the health of the Noble Grand Gander. And now, in the unfortunate affair
with the booby, the passengers generally expressed their profound regret
that the great American Gander had been overthrown by a Brazilian booby.
In the mean while the ship sailed on; the weather gradually grew colder,
and the three curious spots in the heavens, called the Clouds of
Magellan, were visible at night, and indicated an approximation to the
coast of Patagonia.
The Professor had a sympathy for Pate, and would sometimes endeavor to
alleviate his sufferings by cheerful conversation. They were one day
standing on deck conversing about the Clouds of Magellan, and the
Professor was suggesting the propriety of sending up an artist in a
balloon to paint them red, white, and blue, so that the American colors
might hang over these regions in anticipation of their annexation to the
great republic, when they heard the voice of Moses exclaiming,--
"Look yonder!"
"What is it?" said Pate, pointing to an enormous creature sailing
through the air and coming towards the ship.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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