The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
"Great thunder! what are those?" exclaimed Tom Seddon, pointing to four
uncouth shapes stalking into the arena wearing ugly masks with enormous
beaks, and having dusky wings ingeniously fitted to their sides.
"They look like very large turkey-buzzards," said Toney.
"Half men and half birds," said Moses.
"They are Peruvian fairies," said the Professor, turning round and
imparting this information to Moses.
"Fairies!" exclaimed Moses, his eyes opening in astonishment.
"A gigantic species of fairy peculiar to this country," said the
Professor.
"What are they going to do?" asked Moses.
"They are exceedingly fond of bull-beef," said the Professor. "They will
wait until the animal is slain, and then dine on the carcass."
"After which," said Toney, "they will spread their wings and fly away to
Fairy-land, supposed to be located somewhere among the peaks of the
Andes."
"And which was never visited by mortal man," said the Professor.
Moses now gazed at the fairies with wonder and awe; while Tom Seddon
exclaimed, "Look at that handsome woman standing in the center of the
arena!"
"She is splendidly dressed," said Toney.
"Who is she?" asked Moses.
"The President's wife," suggested Toney.
"Is she going to fight the bull?" asked Moses.
"That may be her intention," said Toney.
"She has no weapon," said Wiggins.
"She will take the bull by the horns," said Toney.
"She is in great danger," said Moses.
"It is the Blessed Virgin,--you may behold a miracle," said the
Professor.
"Is she alive?" asked Moses.
"She does not move," said Wiggins.
"She stands stoutly on her feet," said Toney.
"Look yonder!" exclaimed Tom Seddon, as a gate flew open, and in came,
with a bound and a bellow, a huge black bull, with his eyes fiercely
glaring, as if he were smarting under some recent insult and expected
other indignities to be offered. But beholding the image, he moved
towards it, bowing his head and scraping his foot.
"He seems disposed to be very polite in the presence of a lady," said
Toney.
"He is making a very profound obeisance," said Tom.
"Only in mockery," said the Professor as the bull rushed forward, and,
thrusting his horns through the robes of the Holy Mary, lifted her from
the earth. But hardly had he touched her sacred person when a succession
of loud reports ensued, such as are heard when idle urchins have
fastened their fire-works behind the flanks of some venerable parent of
puppies.
"A miracle!" exclaimed the Professor.
"A miracle!" cried Toney.
"A miracle!" shouted Tom.
The eyes of Moses widely dilated, and he gazed in intense wonder. Off
went the bull with the image hanging on his horns, roaring and running
around; while ever and anon the Blessed Virgin would emit an explosion
which added an increase to his speed. Finally she fell to the ground,
and was sacrilegiously trampled under hoof, and lay with her gaudy robes
scorched, and smoking, and torn to tatters.
"What a shocking sight!" exclaimed Tom Seddon.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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