The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
Pate tied his mule to a tree, and, walking aside from the road, seated
himself on the anchor and began to meditate.
"Here," said he, in a soliloquy, "once stood Pizarro the Conqueror. No
daring robber, animated by the sordid love of gold, was that great man.
He came to destroy the pagan superstitions of a benighted land, and to
extend the blessings of civilization over an entire continent."
As Pate uttered these words, his guardian angel, who was anxiously
hovering over him, wanted to warn him of his danger, but was unable to
do so. A man of savage aspect had crept from a thicket in his rear, and,
with a catlike step, was cautiously advancing, having a heavy club
raised in readiness to strike.
"In those days," said Pate, "all was darkness and barbarism; but now,
the benign influences of----"
The club descended. Pate beheld a whole constellation, and several
planets at mid-day, and sank senseless to the earth.
When Pate opened his eyes it was late in the afternoon. Flocks of
parrots were fluttering around him, and multitudes of monkeys were
chattering and nimbly leaping among the boughs of the trees. He arose
from the greensward with a bad headache, and discovered that he had been
robbed. His money was gone, and his mule had disappeared. Without a
dollar, he was in a strange land and thousands of miles from home. He
staggered on until he reached Cruces, where he entered a public house
kept by an American, to whom he related his misfortunes.
The man had just lost his bar-keeper, and employed M. T. Pate to wait
upon his customers until he could earn money enough to pay his passage
to the United States. And here he was found by Wiggins and his
companions washing a bottle.
CHAPTER XLVII.
Wiggins and his friends furnished the unfortunate Pate with pecuniary
means, and he accompanied them to Chagres and embarked for New York,
where in due time they arrived, and immediately took passage on the
Southern train. About a week after his arrival in Mapleton, Pate
received a visit from the father of the fair Juliet, who informed him
that his daughter, the wife of Romeo, had discovered that there had been
a misapprehension on her part in regard to Pate's conduct.
"There has been a sad mistake," said Mr. Singleton. "You honestly
believed that my daughter had beaten you, and did not intend to slander
her when you so asserted."
"She did beat me, sir," said Pate, "and most barbarously. She knocked me
down with her fist and then broke my arm."
"You thought so," said Mr. Singleton; "but it was a mistake."
"How could it be a mistake?" cried Pate. "Did I not feel the blow from
her fist? Did I not see her standing over me, kicking me with her foot
and beating me with a terrible club? Was not my arm broken? Did I not
lie in bed for weeks? And then to sue me! And now I am a ruined man! I
have not a dollar in the world!"
And the big tears rolled down his cheeks as he thought of his destitute
condition.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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