The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
The lady was astonished and frightened, but had courage enough to rush
towards the scene of action. But as soon as she had reached the head of
the stairway leading to the cellar, a sight met her eyes which compelled
her to retire; for modesty forbade her taking any part in the strife,
although her companion was vastly overpowered and sadly in need of
assistance. On the stairway stood M. T. Pate; having just escaped from
the combined assault made upon him by a large number of dogs which had
been temporarily confined in the cellar by the proprietor of the
mansion. The whole of poor Pate's under-garments had been torn from his
person, and there he stood in a tailless coat and a stout pair of boots,
thanking a merciful Providence for the preservation of his life. In this
condition he did not dare to appear in the presence of his fair
companion, and communication was carried on between them, by each taking
a position in a separate apartment and calling to the other in a voice
raised to a high key. After a prolonged consultation conducted in this
manner, the widow proposed to leave one of her under-garments in the
room which she then occupied and retreat to another, while he came in
and put it on. Poor Pate thankfully accepted the loan which the kind
lady offered him; being driven to this shift to hide his nudity. He and
the widow were compelled to remain in that lonely mansion until the
shades of night covered the earth, when he drove her in his buggy back
to the city. He left her at her door and proceeded with his buggy to a
livery-stable. Here the sight of his strange habiliments created great
amazement among the hostlers and stable-boys; and when he started up the
street in his robes he was arrested by the police and carried to a
station-house; where he spent the whole night weeping and wailing on a
hard oaken bench. In the morning he was taken before a magistrate, where
his strange story was listened to with wonder mingled with much
merriment; and being entirely satisfactory, he obtained his discharge,
as well as the loan of a coat and a pair of pantaloons.
On the following day Pate called upon the widow and restored the
garment borrowed from her, after the brutal assault upon his person in
the lonely mansion. She blushed when she received it, and sank into a
chair overcome with emotion. The heart of a woman is an inexplicable
puzzle. Newton, with his mighty mind, could comprehend the movements of
suns and planets and calculate their density; but woman was to him an
incomprehensible problem, even when he pressed the hand of a fair lady
who sat by his side, and felt that he could make so free as to thrust
her finger into the bowl of his pipe. Who can tell what caused the widow
to bestow her affections on M. T. Pate? Perhaps, after he had so nearly
fallen a bleeding victim to canine ferocity,--
"She loved him for the dangers he had passed,
And he loved her that she did pity them."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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