The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
"I see it plainly!" he exclaimed, in a soliloquy. "It is useless for man
to seek to avoid his destiny. Inevitable Fate will pursue him wherever
he goes. He cannot escape. My time has come. I must marry." He uttered
these last words in great agitation, and trembled from head to foot. In
a few moments he started up and exclaimed,--
"I must marry;--but whom?"
He could not answer this question, and held it under consideration for
several months, without being able to arrive at a satisfactory
conclusion.
During this period he witnessed the marriage of Perch and the cherub,
and waited on Wiggins when the latter again led the blushing widow to
the altar, and, on a second trial, responded pertinently and
satisfactorily to the interrogatories propounded by the parson. His two
friends were now in the midst of domestic bliss, while he was unable to
solve the question, which was perplexing him during the day and
interrupting his slumbers at night.
While in this condition of mind, he visited the metropolis of the State,
and on a bright sunny day drove a young widow in his buggy to see a
magnificent country residence, located a few miles from the city, which
had just been completed, but was not yet occupied by the owner. With his
fair companion on his arm he entered the building, and much time was
spent in a critical examination of the various apartments, from the hall
to the attic. The widow at last complained of fatigue, and seated
herself in one of the parlors. Pate blandly requested her to excuse his
absence for a few moments, and said that he would go down and explore
the cellar. The lady waited for a long time and then began to feel
lonesome, and finally becoming quite uneasy, impatiently exclaimed,--
"What in the world has become of him?"
Hardly had these words escaped her lips when she was horrified by
hearing most singular and startling sounds coming up from the cellar
below. It seemed as if a multitude of dogs, of every size and breed, had
been let loose, and were all yelping and barking at the same time;
while amidst this canine uproar could be distinguished a human voice
lustily shrieking,--
"Get out! get out! Help! help! Murder! murder!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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