The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
On the opposite side of the street they beheld what appeared to be a
procession of giants and dwarfs. In front walked Cleopatra with little
Love on her arm. Next followed Theodosia with Dove, who looked like a
pigmy by her side. After them came Sophonisba with Bliss; and in the
rear was Hercules with a very pretty but unusually diminutive woman. The
giant could not stoop to give her his arm, but led her by the hand. The
procession passed on, and entered the house of Gideon Foot.
"Who in the world was that little woman?" asked Tom.
"His wife," said Toney.
"Is Hercules married?"
"He was married about a week ago to his little cousin Polly Sampson. He
bought a farm adjoining that of Moses, whose father is dead. Hercules
lives out there with his little wife, and has, I suppose, brought her
into town on a visit to his relations."
"And what has become of Moses?" asked Tom.
"Moses is also married."
"He is?" exclaimed Tom, in astonishment.
"Yes; he is married notwithstanding his dread of the female sex."
"How did it ever happen?"
"By the death of his father, Moses became a landed proprietor, and is
the owner of a fine farm in a high state of cultivation. Several
enterprising young maidens endeavored to make an impression on his
heart; but he could not be induced to go into their society until, on a
certain occasion, there was a rural festival in the neighborhood, called
an apple-butter boiling."
"Did Moses go to that?"
"He would not have gone had not some waggish young farmers first put him
in an abnormal condition, by the consumption of a considerable quantity
of hard cider. The cider imparted a wonderful degree of courage, and
Moses went to the festival, where he soon found himself surrounded by
rustic beauties. Moses drank more cider and became more courageous.
Finally, as he sat in a corner with a pretty maiden, he popped the
question."
"He did?"
"The young maiden said 'Yes' with a sweet smile, and looked so pretty
that Moses kissed her."
"Great thunder!" cried Tom.
"When Moses got sober he was greatly alarmed; but it was too late to
recede. More than twenty people had heard his promise of marriage. The
young woman's father threatened to have a suit brought for breach of
promise; and her big brother said that he would cudgel the swain if he
proved false to his engagement. So Moses, dreadfully frightened, was led
like a lamb to the altar, and now has a very pretty wife, and looks
contented and happy."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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