The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
"We have been baffled in our efforts to obtain satisfactory information
in relation to the birthplace of the eminent personage whose biography
we have undertaken to write. It is known that he was born somewhere in
the South; but whether among the cotton-plantations of the Carolinas or
the tobacco-fields on the borders of the Chesapeake, we have never been
able to ascertain. It is said that the honor of having been the natal
place of the immortal Mæonides was claimed by seven famous cities of
ancient Greece; and it may be that, in future ages, at least seven
States of the South will contend for the great glory of having produced
the illustrious M. T. Pate. It is perhaps fortunate that at the period
of his birth the number of those States did not exceed seven; otherwise
a satisfactory adjustment of the apprehended difficulty would be even
more hopeless than it is at present.
"It is equally out of our power to designate the particular period when
this eminent man entered the world in which he was destined to make so
remarkable a figure. There is a tradition that he was born in the year
of the embargo; and the inability of the administration of that day to
prohibit all kinds of importations, seems to have been a fortunate
circumstance at the very commencement of his career. It is said that he
was a very big baby at his advent, and grew prodigiously, but was
remarkable for his gravity, to such a degree that the wise women who
assembled in frequent consultations around the cradle used to
asseverate, with much emphasis of expression, that he looked as grave as
a judge. One of his parents was pious, and both were respectable; and at
the proper period he was brought to the baptismal font and Christianized
with the usual solemnities. Some difficulty was encountered in the
selection of a name. An elderly maiden lady, a friend of the family, had
predicted that he would be a bishop, and now insisted that he should
have a scriptural name, as most appropriate for one who was destined to
occupy the very highest position in the church. The male head of the
family had been perusing an odd volume of the History of Greece, in
which he was much interested, and was desirous of naming his heir after
one of the heroes of that classic land. These opposite views led to many
warm discussions, which eventually resulted in a judicious compromise,
it being agreed that the wonderful baby should have two names, and that
each party should select one of them. So the good old lady seated
herself, and putting on her spectacles, opened the Bible at the Book of
Daniel where the King of Babylon was put into the pasture-fields. She
was much struck with the passage, and proposed the name of
Nebuchadnezzar, as exceedingly sonorous and quite uncommon. To this a
serious objection was urged by the old gentleman, who sagaciously
remarked that the name was so long that nobody would ever give the boy
the whole of it, and he would be nicknamed Nebby or Neb. This suggestion
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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