The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
non-professional multitude loudly asserted that he was fully equal in
magnitude to the hindmost wheel of an omnibus.
"During several years after he had emerged from babyhood, M. T. Pate was
hidden from public observation, and hoed corn in the valley of Ajalon.
Here he laid a permanent foundation for that powerful constitution which
has enabled him to perform the Herculean labors of his later years. His
constant exercise in the open air gave him the extraordinary appetite
which clung to him so faithfully amidst all the misfortunes of life. It
also strengthened his digestion, and enabled him to consume enormous
quantities of food without the slightest inconvenience. It is said that
he was extremely fond of buttermilk, and would loiter around the dairy
on churning days to obtain a supply. When he could not get buttermilk,
he was contented with bonny-clabber and cottage-cheese. Many a sickly
youth in our large cities would be benefited by such a system of diet,
and might become a stout, athletic man, instead of looking like a puny
exotic, soon to wither and fade away. Vigorous constitutions are
necessary to enable men to conquer in the great battle of life; and
nearly every distinguished personage in this country, from George
Washington to Daniel Webster, was born and reared amidst rural scenery.
"Nourished on buttermilk and bonny-clabber, M. T. Pate grew rapidly, and
becoming quite a big boy, began to exercise the privilege of thinking
for himself. His sagacious intuition, even at that early age, enabled
him to perceive that although the cultivation of the soil was an
honorable, useful, and healthful occupation, its tendency to increase
his pecuniary resources was exceedingly doubtful, as there was no
probability that he would ever become the owner of a farm, either by
descent or purchase. So he determined to engage in mercantile pursuits,
as offering greater facilities for the speedy acquisition of wealth.
With this end in view, he went into a store in which crockery was sold;
and here he remained during three entire years, first in the capacity of
shop-boy and afterwards as salesman.
"While thus actively engaged in commerce, his industry was untiring and
his economy almost without a precedent. In those early days of his
eventful career this eminent man was frequently seen on the street
following a customer and carrying articles of crockery-ware which had
been purchased. On one occasion he met with a serious misfortune; for
while walking in the wake of an old gentlewoman, and carrying in his
hand a vessel intended for her sleeping apartment, he inadvertently trod
on an orange-peeling, and was precipitated forward on the pavement with
such force as to break the brittle piece of pottery into atoms and cause
the blood to stream from his nostrils. This was the only occasion on
which he ever received a reprimand from his employer; and he bore the
severe trial with fortitude and resignation.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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