The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
"For services rendered on various occasions, he frequently received
gratuities from the purchasers at the store; and having resolved to
become rich as rapidly as possible, he procured a little brown jug with
an opening in its side, just wide enough to admit a quarter of a dollar
edgewise. In this treasury he carefully deposited his earnings; and had
it not been for this commendable economy, the world might never have
seen him in the exalted positions which he afterwards occupied; for a
commercial crisis occurring, the store was closed, and, like a ship
struck by a sudden squall, he was thrown on his beam-end. But the solid
contents of the little brown jug afforded him sufficient ballast, and he
thus succeeded in gallantly weathering the storm.
"A great man, struggling with adversity, is a spectacle upon which the
good-natured old gods of Greece and Rome are said to have gazed with
more than ordinary interest. It is impossible to imagine a more sublime
example of patience and perseverance than that exhibited by M. T. Pate
in his early days, when he first broke open his little brown jug and
counted his coppers and quarters. His rigid economy had resulted in a
considerable accumulation of coin, and an accurate enumeration of the
contents of his treasury exhibited the sum of two hundred and sixty-four
dollars and thirty-seven and a half cents, all in specie. With these
resources he determined to begin the battle of life in earnest, and to
become a great man as speedily and as cheaply as possible. The pious old
lady, who had furnished him with one of his names, now urged him to
enter upon a course of theological studies, so that she might soon have
the satisfaction of seeing him in holy orders and on the high road to a
bishopric. But upon inquiry, he ascertained that to become a bishop it
would be necessary for him to understand Hebrew as well as Greek; and he
was apprehensive that before he could master even the rudiments of those
difficult languages the accumulations of his industry and economy would
be entirely exhausted. The good old lady promised him pecuniary
assistance, and thus encouraged he began with the Greek; but his hopes
were soon blasted by a singular misfortune, which deprived the church of
one of its brightest ornaments, and multitudes of sinners of the counsel
and consoling advice of a learned, pious, and venerated pastor. Upon a
bright morning in May, as he sat at an open window, repeating the
letters of Cadmus aloud, his benefactress, who was in the garden below
with a negro servant named Alfred, engaged in horticultural pursuits,
was shocked by hearing certain sounds, which in her ignorance and
simplicity she supposed to be of terrible significance. She rushed into
the house and began to upbraid the astonished student with his base
ingratitude and treachery. In vain did the unfortunate victim of her
lamentable ignorance protest his entire innocence. She had the highest
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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