The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
"I wonder how he got out of jail?" said the Professor.
"Colonel Hazlewood bailed him out," said the landlord. "The colonel
needs his services in attendance on his niece, Miss Carrington, who is
still in a critical condition."
"Did the colonel also bail out the other physician?" asked the
Professor.
"No, indeed!" said the landlord. "The colonel said he was afraid to let
the other fellow out while the young lady was ill. The two doctors might
get to fighting again, and their patient might die while they were
settling their difficulties."
"I perceive that the colonel is an apt scholar in the school of
experience," said the Professor. "It is not advisable to allow more than
one doctor to run at large at a time in a small town like this."
"I am glad that Bull is out," said the landlord.
"Why so?" asked Toney.
"He has a patient in my house. The gentleman is quite sick. He is in the
room next to the one occupied by you, Mr. Belton. I hope you have not
been disturbed."
"Not at all," said Toney. "He has been very quiet. I was not aware that
there was a sick person in the apartment. Come, Charley, let us walk to
the post-office."
A letter was handed to Toney at the post-office, which he read, and then
exclaimed,--
"Well, Charley, my holiday is over. I must go back to Mapleton by the
next train."
"Indeed!" said the Professor. "What urgent business renders your
presence necessary in Mapleton?"
"The great case of Simon Rump _vs._ the Salt-Water Canal Company is to
be argued next week. I am counsel for the company, and my distinguished
friend M. T. Pate is Rump's attorney. It is a claim for damages. The
company are about to construct a portion of their canal through Rump's
real estate, and a jury are to assemble on the ground and assess the
damages which should be paid to Simon Rump."
"Who is Simon Rump?"
"You have heard Tom Seddon and myself speak of Simon Dobbs?"
"The unfortunate individual who was baffled by the Mystic Order of
Sweethearts in his efforts to obtain an angel and seven sweet little
cherubs?"
"The same," said Toney. "Well, Simon Dobbs is now Simon Rump."
"Simon Dobbs is now Simon Rump? I don't comprehend."
"It is so. Simon Dobbs is now Simon Rump, and in his domicile dwell an
angel and seven sweet little cherubs."
"I am glad that the poor fellow has at last obtained the companionship
of angelic beings after so much tribulation. But how did it happen that
his name was changed? Had the angel changed her name, when she came to
dwell with Dobbs, it would have been more in accordance with established
usage."
"The angel would not consent to change her name. I might as well tell
the story at once, for I see that your curiosity is aroused."
"Indeed it is," said the Professor. "I am as curious as a maiden lady
who has accompanied this terrestrial orb in fifty annual revolutions
around the center of the solar system. How did Dobbs become Rump?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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