"I say, madam, when is this farm going to _sail_?" "Just as soon, sir," replied the old lady, placing her thumb to her nose, "as anybody comes along who can raise the wind." The doctor drove thoughtfully on. THE DIFFERENCE. "A priest who was jogging along on an ass was overtaken by a loquacious doctor, and, after some preliminary conversation as to the destination, etc., the doctor proposed that they each should ask a question, and the one who proposed the best should receive hospitality at the other's expense at the next town. The priest agreed, for he was a fat, jolly little fellow, who could enjoy a laugh and "some bottles," even at a doctor's expense. So the doctor proposed the following:-- "What is the difference between a priest and a jackass?" "That's old," replied the priest. "One wears his cross on his breast, the other on his back.--Now for my turn. What is the difference between the doctor and the ass?" "I cannot tell," replied the doctor; "what is the difference?" "I see none," quietly replied the priest. "NOT BY BREAD ALONE." A physician in P., who had the reputation of being a high liver, was quite publicly reprimanded for his gluttony by an advent preacher of some note, not a thousand miles from Boston. The doctor bore his abuse without flinching, though he believed the man a hypocrite. A long time afterwards, he met the Adventist in his town, and, after some conversation, invited him to dine at his own house. The hungry Grahamite accepted, and at an early moment found himself at the doctor's board. "Will you ask a blessing?" said the doctor; which request being complied with, he uncovered one of the only two dishes on the table, which contained nothing but bread. The preacher saw the point, and said, with a disappointed grin, "You shall not live by bread alone." "Yes; I know that much Scripture," replied the doctor; "so I have provided some butter," uncovering the other dish! XX. PRESCRIPTIONS REMARKABLE AND RIDICULOUS. "He finds out what stuff they're made of."--SHAKSPEARE. "By setting brother against brother, To claw and curry one another."--BUTLER. FIG PASTE AND FIG LEAVES.--SOME OF THOSE OLD FELLOWS.--THEY SLIGHTLY DISAGREE.--HOW TO KEEP CLEAN.--BAXTER VS. THE DOCTOR.--A CURE FOR "RHEUMATIZ."--OLD ENGLISH DOSES.--CURE FOR BLUES.--FOR HYSTERIA.--HEROIC DOSES.--DROWNING A FEVER.--AN EXACT SCIENCE.--SULPHUR AND MOLASSES.--A USE FOR POOR IRISH.--MINERAL SPRINGS.--COLD DRINKS VS. WARM.--THE OLD LADY AND THE AIR PUMP.--SAVED BY HER BUSTLE.--COUNTRY PRESCRIPTIONS AND A FUNNY MISTAKE.--ARE YOU DRUNK OR SOBER?