Africa, North -- Fiction; British -- Africa, North -- Fiction; Love stories; Married women -- Fiction
“Madame, if you will not show me the garden I will not see it at all. I
will go now and will never come into it again. I do not pretend.”
“Ah!” she said, and her voice was quite changed. “But you do worse.”
“Worse!”
“Yes. You lie in the face of Africa.”
She did not wish or mean to say it, and yet she had to say it. She knew
it was monstrous that she should speak thus to him. What had his lies to
do with her? She had been told a thousand, had heard a thousand told to
others. Her life had been passed in a world of which the words of the
Psalmist, though uttered in haste, are a clear-cut description. And
she had not thought she cared. Yet really she must have cared. For, in
leaving this world, her soul had, as it were, fetched a long breath. And
now, at the hint of a lie, it instinctively recoiled as from a gust of
air laden with some poisonous and suffocating vapour.
“Forgive me,” she added. “I am a fool. Out here I do love truth.”
Androvsky dropped his eyes. His whole body expressed humiliation, and
something that suggested to her despair.
“Oh, you must think me mad to speak like this!” she exclaimed. “Of
course people must be allowed to arm themselves against the curiosity
of others. I know that. The fact is I am under a spell here. I have been
living for many, many years in the cold. I have been like a woman in a
prison without any light, and--”
“You have been in a prison!” he said, lifting his head and looking at
her eagerly.
“I have been living in what is called the great world.”
“And you call that a prison?”
“Now that I am living in the greater world, really living at last. I
have been in the heart of insincerity, and now I have come into the
heart, the fiery heart of sincerity. It’s there--there”--she pointed
to the desert. “And it has intoxicated me; I think it has made me
unreasonable. I expect everyone--not an Arab--to be as it is, and every
little thing that isn’t quite frank, every pretence, is like a horrible
little hand tugging at me, as if trying to take me back to the prison I
have left. I think, deep down, I have always loathed lies, but never as
I have loathed them since I came here. It seems to me as if only in the
desert there is freedom for the body, and only in truth there is freedom
for the soul.”
She stopped, drew a long breath, and added:
“You must forgive me. I have worried you. I have made you do what you
didn’t want to do. And then I have attacked you. It is unpardonable.”
“Show me the garden, Madame,” he said in a very low voice.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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