As night crept on, the piping little voice grew indistinct and
murmurous, like a bee humming; the fair little head nodded and sank
against the arm of the bulky driver. Vi leant forward to lift her into
her lap; but I took Dorrie from her. With the child in my arms, for the
first time the desire to be a father came over me. In thinking of what
love might mean, I had never thought of that.
We entered Ransby at the top of the High Street and drew up outside an
old black flint house. Vi got out first and rang the bell. When the door
opened, I put Dorrie into her arms. I bent over and kissed the sleeping
child. Vi drew back her head sharply; my lips had passed so near to
hers. We faced one another on the threshold. The light from the hall,
falling on her face, showed me that her lips were parted as though she
had something that she was trying to get said. Then, “Good-night.” she
whispered, and the door closed behind her.
I crossed the street and wandered to and fro, watching the house. All
the front was in darkness; her rooms must be at the back. I was greedy
for her presence; if I could only see her shadow pass before a window I
would be content. With the closing of the door, she seemed to have shut
me out of her life. There was so much to say, and nothing had been said.
I turned out of the High Street down a long dark score, toward the
beach. Walls rose tall on either side. The salt wind, hurrying up
the narrow passage, struck me in the face and caused the gas-lamps
to quiver. Far down the tunnel at the end of the steps lay a belt of
blackness, and beyond that the tossing lights of ships at sea.
Reaching the Beach Road, I passed over the denes. The town stretched
tall across the sky, like a shadowy curtain through which peered golden
eyes. The revolving light of the lighthouse on the denes pointed a long
white finger inland, till its tip rested on the back of Vi’s house. I
fancied I saw her figure at the window. The finger swept on in a circle
out to sea, leaving the town in darkness. The upper-light on the cliff
replied, pointing to the place where I was standing, making it bright as
day. If she were still at the window, she would be able to see me as
I had seen her. Next time her window was illumined she had vanished. I
watched and waited; she did not return.
I roamed along the shore towards the harbor, purposeless with desire.
The sea, like a blind old man, kept whimpering to itself, trying to drag
itself up the beach, clutching at the sand with exhausted fingers.
Wearied out with wandering, I turned my steps homeward. The shop looked
so dark that I was ashamed to ring the bell lest they had all retired.
I tapped on the shutters, and heard a shuffling inside; my grandmother
opened the door to me. She was in her dressing-gown and a turkey-red
petticoat. The servant had been in bed some hours.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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