Grandmother Cardover was hysterical with joy. She wanted to run out into
the streets and tell everybody. She began with the maid in the kitchen,
and would have gone on to the men in the bake-house if I hadn’t stopped
her by appealing to her curiosity, saying there was more to tell. As
for Ruthita, she just put her arms about me and laid her head on
my shoulder, crying for sheer gladness. Little Bee’s Knee looked on
open-mouthed, shocked that grownups should behave so foolishly. Vi gazed
at me with a far-away stare in her eyes, picturing the might-have-beens,
and I gazed back at her across the gulf that widened between us.
Discretion was thrown to the wind. When Vi gathered Dorrie to her and
began to excuse herself, she was told that she must stay and make one of
the family. Then the story was told again with the new perspective.
With shame and self-reproach I look back and perceive how carelessly I
accepted all Ruthita’s admiration. My new good fortune promised nothing
for her; yet she could rejoice in it. In her shy girl’s world, had I
known it, I figured as something between a faery-prince and a hero.
Through me she looked out into a more generous world of glamour than
any she had personally experienced. Poor little Ruthita, with her
mouse-like timidity! She had lived all her days in a walled-in garden,
treading the dull monotonous round of self-sacrificing duties. No one
ever credited her with a career of her own. No one stopped to think that
she might have dreams and a will of her own. They told her what to do
and let their gratitude be taken for granted. She humored my father when
he was discouraged, did the housekeeping, and took shelter behind the
superior social grace of the Snow Lady. We all loved her, but we made
the mistake of not telling her--we supposed she knew. All the strong
things that men and women do together, all love’s comedy and tragedy,
were so much hearsay to her.
That afternoon and evening she sat beside me holding my hand with frank
affection, making me feel that in loving Vi I was stealing something
that belonged to her. More than that, I was feeling for this woman,
who had been nothing to me a few weeks ago, a quality of kindness and
consideration that I had always withheld from the child-friend who had
tiptoed her way up to womanhood beside me.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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