We passed into a room delicately furnished. The floor was heavily
carpeted in red. The walls, hung with etchings and landscapes, were
paneled in white. Flowers stood about in bowls and slender vases; shaded
lamps gave to the room a secret aspect. In the grate a fire of coals was
burning and two deep chairs stood one on either side. The atmosphere
was intensely and perishably feminine; it gave me the feeling of
preparedness--as though I had been expected. Through tall windows the
curious night stared in upon us.
Fiesole crossed, making no sound save the silken rustle of her dress,
and drew the curtains close together. She turned, looking back at me
side-long, at once amused and languid. Her coldness and aloofness had
vanished. The sparkle of mischief fetched the gold from the depths of
her green eyes. Her body became expressive and vibrant. Then I heard her
sweet hoarse voice, with its quaintly foreign intonation. It reached me
tauntingly, lazy with indifference, holding me at arm’s length. “Dear
man, take a chair by the fire and behave yourself. Mon Dieu, but you
were amusing to-night!”
She laughed softly at remembering and shook her cloak from her white
shoulders. A strand of hair broke loose and fell coiling across her
breast. She stepped to a mirror, turning her back on me; having twisted
it into place, she remained smiling at her reflection, whistling beneath
her breath.
Her gaiety cut like a lash across my mouth. I was painfully in earnest.
She was treating the situation as an incident--a jest. To me it was a
supreme moment--a turning-point: on what we should say to one another
would depend the entire direction of both our lives. I was sorry for her
beyond the power of words to express. The success and luxury of her way
of living did not blind me to its hollowness and danger. Her frivolity
left me affronted and fascinated. She roused in me all the unrestraint
of the flesh; and yet I desired to worship her with my mind. I longed to
carry her away from the fever and glare of streets to a place of quiet,
where the world was blowy--where she might become what she had once been
when I might have had her, genuine and fine. While these thoughts raced
through my mind, the insistent question kept repeating itself, why had
she brought me here to be alone with her at this late hour of the night?
Her eyes flashed out at me maddeningly from the mirror. They prompted to
irretrievable folly. They called me to go to her, and to be unworthy
of both her and myself. And I knew why: she wished me to say and do the
things that were unforgivable that she might have excuse to scorn me,
to fling me from her. Once it had been my Puritanism that had thrust us
apart; it should not now be my sensualism. I would not let her make a
hypocrite of me in my own eyes.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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