And so forgetting himself, ceasing to exercise that
reticence--half-humorous, half-reverent--with which, as with a cloak,
modern, civilised man strives to hide the noblest and purest of his
thought, Laurence laid bare his heart and soul to his sweet companion.
He told her tender, trivial incidents of his youth and childhood--in
themselves of little moment, yet such as leave an indelible mark on the
imagination and character. He told her of the splendid hopes of his
opening manhood, when, with the magnificent self-confidence of
inexperience, the whole world seemed his to conquer if he pleased. He
told her of those plays and poems, so full of promise that, could he
have realised the fulness of his own conceptions, they must have
rendered his name famous through all the coming years. He told her,
too, of those brief, fugitive moments of spiritual illumination, when he
had felt himself draw very near to the ultimate meaning and purpose of
things; when he had apprehended God as the Eternal Lover, the soul of
man as the Eternal Bride, and how, in the light of that blessed
apprehension, all confusion had ceased, all life, all death, becoming at
once very simple and very holy, guiltless alike of suffering and of
shame.
Then--as they wandered yet further into the thin shadow of the still
leafless lime-trees, and, sitting for a while upon the stone bench
beside the broad, dim walk, looked forth under the down-sweeping
branches, to the vast expanse of the distant country--he descended from
discourse of these high matters. He told her of the joys of manly sports
and pastimes, and of the still greater joys of travel and adventure, in
far countries, among alien peoples, by land and sea.
Thus did the hours pass in glad and fearless communion of heart with
heart, and soul with soul, while upon the horizon the white light walked
slowly, surely eastward. And then, at last, it seemed as though some
disturbing thought invaded his fairy-lady's mind, causing her attention
to waver, her gentle gaiety to wane. The purport of that thought
Laurence failed to read, and this troubled him with a sensation of
helplessness, as though a gulf was once again opening between his state
of being and hers, which he was powerless to cross. She rose from her
place beside him and moved restlessly to and fro. And when he pleaded
with and questioned her, she moved yet further from him, and stood with
one hand raised as imploring silence. She appeared to listen for some
call, some summons, quite other than welcome, for he could see the
corners of her dear mouth droop once more, while her eyes grew shy and
wild. Unwillingly as though constrained by some force she did not love
yet must obey, she passed out on to the clear, smooth spaces of the
great lawns. The grass blades were touched with a whiteness of frost;
but Laurence observed that neither her footsteps, nor the little frills
bordering her gown as they swept it, left any track upon the spangled
turf.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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