"If you want to know who we are, Just ask the Evening Star, As he smiles on high In the deep-blue sky, With his tralala-la-la-la. We are maidens sweet With tripping feet, And the googoo eyes Of the skippity-hi's, And the smile of the fair gazoo; And you'll find our names 'Mongst the wondrous dames Of the Who's Who-hoo-hoo-hoo." "Get that sung with spirit by sixty-five ladies with blond wigs and gold slippers, otherwise dressed up in the uniform of a troop of Russian cavalry, and you've got your venture launched." "Where can you find people like that?" asked the Bibliomaniac. "New York's full of 'em," replied the Idiot. "I don't mean the people to act that sort of thing--but where would you lay your scene?" explained the Bibliomaniac. "Oh, any old place in the Pacific Ocean," said the Idiot. "Make your own geography--everybody else does. There's a million islands out there of one kind or another, and as defenceless as a two-weeks'-old infant. If you want a real one, fish it out and fire ahead. If you don't, make one up for yourself and call it 'The Isle of Piccolo,' or something of that sort. After you've got your chorus going, introduce your villain, who should be a man with a deep bass voice and a piratical past. He's the chap who rules the roost and is going to marry the heroine to-morrow. That will make a bully song: "I'm a pirate bold With a heart so cold That it turns the biggest joys to solemn sorrow; And the hero-ine, With her eyes so fine, I am going to--marry--to-morrow. CHORUS "He is go-ing to-marry--to-morrow The maid with a heart full of sorrow; For her we are sorry For she weds to-morry-- She is going to-marry--to-morrow." "Gee!" added the Idiot, enthusiastically, "can't you almost hear that already?" "I am sorry to say," said Mr. Brief, "that I can. You ought to call your heroine Drivelina." "Splendid!" cried the Idiot. "Drivelina goes. Well, then, on comes Drivelina, and this beast of a pirate grabs her by the hand and makes love to her as if he thought wooing was a game of snap-the-whip. She sings a soprano solo of protest, and the pirate summons his hirelings to cast Drivelina into a Donjuan cell, when boom! an American war-ship appears on the horizon. The crew, under the leadership of a man with a squeaky tenor voice, named Lieutenant Somebody or Other, comes ashore, puts Drivelina under the protection of the American flag, while his crew sing the following: "We are jackies, jackies, jackies, And we smoke the best tobaccys You can find from Zanzibar to Honeyloo. And we fight for Uncle Sammy, Yes, indeed we do, for damme You can bet your life that that's the thing to do, Doodle-do! You can bet your life that that's the thing to doodle--doodle--doodle--doodle-do."