"That," he proceeded, using that curiously formal and elaborate
English which he must have learned from reading-books, "that was the
scene of the tragedy which made me an artist. I have told you that my
father was a schoolmaster. He was the kindest of men, but he had moods
of frightful severity--moods which subsided as quickly as they arose.
At the age of three, just as I was beginning to talk easily, I became,
for a period, subject to fits; and in one of these I lost the power of
speech. I, Alresca, could make no sound; and for seven years that
tenor whom in the future people were to call 'golden-throated,' and
'world-famous,' and 'unrivalled,' had no voice." He made a deprecatory
gesture. "When I think of it, Carl, I can scarcely believe it--so
strange are the chances of life. I could hear and understand, but I
could not speak.
"Of course, that was forty years ago, and the system of teaching mutes
to talk was not then invented, or, at any rate, not generally
understood. So I was known and pitied as the poor dumb boy. I took
pleasure in dumb animals, and had for pets a silver-gray cat, a goat,
and a little spaniel. One afternoon--I should be about ten years
old--my father came home from his school and sitting down, laid his
head on the table and began to cry. Seeing him cry, I also began to
cry; I was acutely sensitive.
"'What is the matter?' asked my good mother.
"'Alas!' he said, 'I am a murderer!'
"'Nay, that cannot be,' she replied.
"'I say it is so,' said my father. 'I have murdered a child--a little
girl. I grumbled at her yesterday. I was annoyed and angry--because
she had done her lessons ill. I sent her home, but instead of going
home she went to the outer canal and drowned herself. They came and
told me this afternoon. Yes, I am a murderer!'
"I howled, while my mother tried to comfort my father, pointing out
to him that if he had spoken roughly to the child it was done for the
child's good, and that he could not possibly have foreseen the
catastrophe. But her words were in vain.
"We all went to bed. In the middle of the night I heard my dear
silver-gray cat mewing at the back of the house. She had been locked
out. I rose and went down-stairs to let her in. To do so it was
necessary for me to pass through the kitchen. It was quite dark, and I
knocked against something in the darkness. With an inarticulate
scream, I raced up-stairs again to my parents' bedroom. I seized my
mother by her night-dress and dragged her towards the door. She
stopped only to light a candle, and hand-in-hand we went down-stairs
to the kitchen. The candle threw around its fitful, shuddering glare,
and my mother's eyes followed mine. Some strange thing happened in my
throat.
"'Mother!' I cried, in a hoarse, uncouth, horrible voice, and, casting
myself against her bosom, I clung convulsively to her. From a hook in
the ceiling beam my father's corpse dangled. He had hanged himself in
the frenzy of his remorse. So my speech came to me again."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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