He felt the blood rush to his forehead. "Are you asking me to stand
on one side, and owning in the same breath that you love me best?" he
said, through his teeth.
She held her breath. This was putting the thing plainly. Yet it was
the truth. It made her angry to hear it. It goaded her on to fight
yet.
"You only thought you loved me," she brought out, vehemently. "You
had not seen me, you did not know me ... and there is a Russian
girl--Nadia Stepanovna...."
He took her by the shoulders, gently, but with firmness, turning her
round so as to face him; still she held her handkerchief to her eyes.
"Rona, do you really believe that?"
She took away the handkerchief, and lifted her wet lashes; and she
felt as though her soul were drowning in the mysterious compulsion of
his look. For a space all strength left her. She was drained of
power. This young man was her master; his claim could not be
denied....
Still holding her with one hand, he slipped the other down inside his
collar, and drew out a chain, with his half sixpence strung upon it.
"Look here," he said. "Since I first saw you there has been no other
thought in me."
"Oh!" the words seemed forced from her. "Oh, if I had been great
enough to be loyal too!"
"No, no," he said, hastily, "that was my part. I to be loyal, the
queen to reward or not, as she would. But if she will"--he held both
her hands--"if she will, then nobody on earth--not Denzil, nor any
other man..."
He was drawing her nearer, and how sweet, as well as how easy, to
yield to that pressure, to feel the clasp of his arms about her, to
rest in the knowledge that love had come to her indeed! But that
must not be; and she collected all her strength to tell him so.
"David!" Somehow that name came to her lips when she would appeal to
him. "Have pity, wait--Oh, I must say something to you...."
He saw, by the prayer in her eyes, by the urgency of her voice, that
she was in earnest, and he held himself in check with an effort.
"Help me," she faltered, "to be faithful to my word. I did
promise--just before he started for Siberia, I did tell him I would
be--his wife. You saved me once ... save me again! This time from
myself. I am so tossed about, I can hardly see what I ought to do.
But I am not free--you see that, don't you? I am bound; I--we--we
ought not to do this. Have pity on me, be good to me, be my brother
till we reach our journey's end!"
He drew a long breath, and passed a shaking hand over his knocking
temples. But she had, in her desperate fear, touched the right note
with him. She was in his power. For two more days they must fare
together; and she appealed to him for forbearance. To that appeal he
could not turn deaf ears.
"It's a puzzle," he said, heavily; "and I don't see the rights of it.
But don't be afraid of me, Rona. I--I am to be trusted. I would
give my life for you. Make yourself easy; I promise not to distress
you."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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