Lagerlöf, Selma, 1858-1940 -- Translations into English; Short stories, Swedish -- Translations into English; Sweden -- Fiction
It was this which had caused Gudmund to fear that perhaps Hildur was not
altogether what he had fancied her. He did not like, I dare say, that
she had pitted her will against his. But the worst of it was that he
could not comprehend anything else than that she was in the wrong. He
felt that he would willingly have given in to her had she been
broad-minded, but instead, it seemed to him, she was only petty and
heartless. Once his doubts were awakened, it was not long before he
perceived one thing and another which were not as he wished. "Doubtless
she is one of those who think first and foremost of themselves," he
muttered every time he parted from her, and he wondered how long her
love for him would last if it were put to the test. He tried to console
himself with the idea that all people thought of themselves first, but
instantly Helga flashed into his mind. He saw her as she stood in the
court room and snatched the Bible, and heard how she cried out: "I
withdraw the suit. I am still fond of him and I don't want him to swear
falsely." It was thus he would have Hildur. Helga had become for him a
standard by which he measured people. Though certainly there were many
who were equal to her in affection!
Day by day he thought less of Hildur, but it did not occur to him that
he should relinquish his prospective bride. He tried to imagine his
discouragement was simply an idle whim. Only a few weeks ago he regarded
her as the best in the world!
Had this been at the beginning of the courtship, he would have
withdrawn, perhaps, but now the banns were already published and the
wedding day fixed, and in his home they had begun repairing and
rebuilding. Nor did he wish to forfeit the wealth and the good social
position which awaited him. What excuse could he offer for breaking the
engagement? That which he had to bring against Hildur was so
inconsequential that it would have turned to air on his lips had he
attempted to express it.
But the heart of him was often heavy, and every time he had an errand
down to the parish or the city he bought ale or wine at the shops to
drink himself into a good humor. When he had emptied a couple of
bottles, he was again proud of the marriage and pleased with Hildur.
Then he didn't understand what it was that pained him.
Gudmund often thought of Helga and longed to meet her. But he fancied
that Helga believed him a wretch because he had not kept the promise
which he voluntarily made her, but had allowed her to go away. He could
neither explain nor excuse himself, therefore he avoided her.
One morning, when Gudmund was walking up the road, he met Helga, who had
been down in the village to buy milk. Gudmund turned about and joined
her.
She didn't appear to be pleased with his company and walked rapidly, as
if she wished to get away from him, and said nothing. Gudmund, too, kept
still because he didn't quite know how he should begin the
conversation.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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