The Girl on the BoatWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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The Girl on the Boat
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Children of the rich -- Fiction; Golf stories; Humorous stories; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
“Don’t bustle me,” said Eustace querulously.
“Well, you know, the voyage only takes eight days.”
“I’ve forgotten where I was.”
“You were saying what a devil of a chap she thought you. What happened?
I suppose, when you actually came to propose, you found she was engaged
to some other johnny?”
“Not at all! I asked her to be my wife and she consented. We both
agreed that a quiet wedding was what we wanted—she thought her father
might stop the thing if he knew, and I was dashed sure my mother
would—so we decided to get married without telling anybody. By now,”
said Eustace, with a morose glance at the porthole, “I ought to have
been on my honeymoon. Everything was settled. I had the licence and the
parson’s fee. I had been breaking in a new tie for the wedding.”
“And then you quarrelled?”
“Nothing of the kind. I wish you would stop trying to tell me the
story. I’m telling _you_. What happened was this: somehow—I can’t make
out how—mother found out. And then, of course, it was all over. She
stopped the thing.”
Sam was indignant. He thoroughly disliked his Aunt Adeline, and his
cousin’s meek subservience to her revolted him.
“Stopped it? I suppose she said ‘Now, Eustace, you mustn’t!’ and you
said ‘Very well, mother!’ and scratched the fixture?”
“She didn’t say a word. She never has said a word. As far as that goes,
she might never have heard anything about the marriage.”
“Then how do you mean she stopped it?”
“She pinched my trousers!”
“Pinched your trousers!”
Eustace groaned. “All of them! The whole bally lot! She gets up long
before I do, and she must have come into my room and cleaned it out
while I was asleep. When I woke up and started to dress, I couldn’t
find a single damned pair of bags in the whole place. I looked
everywhere. Finally, I went into the sitting-room where she was writing
letters and asked if she had happened to see any anywhere. She said she
had sent them all to be pressed. She said she knew I never went out in
the mornings—I don’t as a rule—and they would be back at lunch-time. A
fat lot of use that was! I had to be at the church at eleven. Well, I
told her I had a most important engagement with a man at eleven, and
she wanted to know what it was, and I tried to think of something, but
it sounded pretty feeble, and she said I had better telephone to the
man and put it off. I did it, too. Rang up the first number in the book
and told some fellow I had never seen in my life that I couldn’t meet
him because I hadn’t any trousers! He was pretty peeved, judging from
what he said about my being on the wrong number. And mother, listening
all the time, and I knowing that she knew—something told me that she
knew—and she knowing that I knew she knew.... I tell you, it was
awful!”
“And the girl?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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