The Girl on the BoatWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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The Girl on the Boat
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Children of the rich -- Fiction; Golf stories; Humorous stories; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
“I feel exactly the same.” Sam moved to her side. “Darling,” he said in
a low voice, “it was like you to ask me to meet you here. I know what
you were thinking. You thought that I should need sympathy. You wanted
to pet me, to smooth my wounded feelings, to hold me in your arms and
tell me that, as we loved each other, what did anything else matter?”
“I didn’t.”
“You didn’t?”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Oh, you didn’t? I thought you did!” He looked at her wistfully. “I
thought,” he said, “that possibly you might have wished to comfort me.
I have been through a great strain. I have had a shock....”
“And what about me?” she demanded passionately. “Haven’t I had a
shock?”
He melted at once.
“Have you had a shock too? Poor little thing! Sit down and tell me all
about it.”
She looked away from him, her face working.
“Can’t you understand what a shock I have had? I thought you were the
perfect knight.”
“Yes, isn’t it?”
“Isn’t what?”
“I thought you said it was a perfect night.”
“I said I thought _you_ were the perfect knight.”
“Oh, ah!”
A sailor crossed the deck, a dim figure in the shadows, went over to a
sort of raised summerhouse with a brass thingummy in it, fooled about
for a moment, and went away again. Sailors earn their money easily.
“Yes?” said Sam when he had gone.
“I forget what I was saying.”
“Something about my being the perfect knight.”
“Yes. I thought you were.”
“That’s good.”
“But you’re not!”
“No?”
“No!”
“Oh!”
Silence fell. Sam was feeling hurt and bewildered. He could not
understand her mood. He had come up expecting to be soothed and
comforted and she was like a petulant iceberg. Cynically, he recalled
some lines of poetry which he had had to write out a hundred times on
one occasion at school as a punishment for having introduced a white
mouse into chapel.
“Oh, woman, in our hours of ease,
Un-something, something, something, please.
When tiddly-umpty umpty brow,
A something something something thou!”
He had forgotten the exact words, but the gist of it had been that
Woman, however she might treat a man in times of prosperity, could be
relied on to rally round and do the right thing when he was in trouble.
How little the poet had known woman.
“Why not?” he said huffily.
She gave a little sob.
“I put you on a pedestal and I find you have feet of clay. You have
blurred the image which I formed of you. I can never think of you again
without picturing you as you stood in that saloon, stammering and
helpless....”
“Well, what can you do when your pianist runs out on you?”
“You could have done _something!_” The words she had spoken only
yesterday to Jane Hubbard came back to her. “I can’t forgive a man for
looking ridiculous. Oh, what, what,” she cried, “induced you to try to
give an imitation of Bert Williams?”
Sam started, stung to the quick.
“It wasn’t Bert Williams. It was Frank Tinney!”
“Well, how was I to know?”
“I did my best,” said Sam sullenly.
“That is the awful thought.”
“I did it for your sake.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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