"I didn't feel a bit nervous at my wedding," she said. "You see, I have been used to private theatricals." A girl like that mistakes gaiety of head for gaiety of heart. [Illustration: Her first appearance in a new role] As a sample of vulgar girl-wit at its crudest, I give the following, in which a girl spoke of a lady-- "She couldn't turn white, but she went the colour of an unripe tomato." [Illustration: Upset by Tomato sauce] The vulgar girl who is "by way of being" witty is not "by way of being" sentimental, and is rather addicted to signing her letters "Your's," which word she believes to be rightly written as above, with an apostrophe. This girl, for the rest, is generally good-natured, and her vein of censure is more often odd than terrible. Thus she said the other day of a dentist-- "He is a horrible little snob, but that doesn't matter when he gets into your mouth." [Illustration: An old Fairy Tale] As often as not the vulgar girl has both sense and sensibility. Of the latter fact she is profoundly ashamed, and has been known to say of a book that has deeply agitated her-- "I got to feel quite eye-in-water over it." She affects to care, only for the gaieties of life, but knows something of its gravities, and has often a bit of heroine in her. The worst thing about her is her speech. "Jolly" is her favourite adverb. She is jolly glad when she is not jolly mad, and she will soon describe herself as jolly sad. She uses the verb "mashed" hideously; where her prototype of twenty years ago said "swell" she says "swagger;" and she does not stick at saying "beastly." For the rest, she has always some pet word of the hour. Thus "dotty" is an adjective now much in favour with her. Thereby hangs a tale. The vulgar girl sometimes knows Italian, and it was she who translated a line from a famous lady's epitaph-- "_Vergine magnanime, dotta, divina._" "A virgin magnanimous, dotty, divine." On the other hand there are vulgar girls who do not know Latin, and one of them has been known to say "effluvia" for "smell," the Latin for "smell" being "effluvium." The pronunciation of her own language is by some thought to offer insuperable difficulties to the English vulgar girl, who pronounces the "t" in "often" but does not pronounce it in "Westminster," whose favourite colour, she has been heard to aver, is "terrar cottar," who plays an instrument which she calls "the varlin," who says "to_wards_" and "inter_est_ing," who pronounces "ate" "et," and whose vocabulary has been known to include the words "pantomine," "Feb'uary" and "sec'etary." So far is this list from exhausting the faults of pronunciation of the said vulgar girl, that it must be added that she gives to no one vowel its proper sound, while among the consonants "h" initial and "g" final stumble her. She is particularly careless regarding the latter consonant when the form which her vulgarity takes is that of would-be "smartness."