When the door at the end of the gallery closed behind him she gave a
sigh of relief, and rolled another cigarette. There are times when the
most obstinate woman’s nerves are set on edge, and she craves either
solitude or a sympathetic presence. Now, she was very fond of Tommy; but
what, save painting and cricket and the young animal’s joy of life,
could Tommy understand? She regretted having spoken of sex and spirit to
his uncomprehending ears. Generally she held herself and even her unruly
tongue under control. But this afternoon she had lost grip. The sitting
had strangely affected her, for she had divined, as she had not done on
previous occasions, the wistful terror that lurked in the depths of the
young girl’s soul—a divination that had been confirmed by the quick
look of fear with which she had greeted the bullet-headed young man when
he had arrived to escort her home. And Tommy, with his keen young
vision, had summed him up in a few words.
She turned on the great lamp suspended in the middle of the studio, and
drew the easel containing the girl’s portrait into the light. She gazed
at it for a while intently, and then, throwing herself into her chair by
the fire, remained there motionless, with parted lips, in the attitude
of a woman overwhelmed by memories.
They went back fifteen years, when she was this girl’s age. She had not
this girl’s bearing and flower-like grace; but she had her youth and
everything in it that stood for the promise of life. She had memories of
her mirrored self—quite a dainty slip of a girl in spite of her homely
face, her hair wound around a not unshapely head in glossy coils, and
her figure set off by delicately fitting clothes. And there was a light
in her eyes because a man loved her and she had given all the richness
of herself to the man. They were engaged to be married. Yet, for all her
tremulous happiness, terror lurked in the depths of her soul. Many a
night she awoke, gripped by the nameless fear, unreasonable, absurd; for
the man in her eyes was as handsome and debonair as any prince out of a
fairy tale. Her mother and father, who were then both alive, came under
the spell of the man’s fascinations. He was of good family, fair private
income, and was making a position for himself in the higher walks of
journalism; a man too of unsullied reputation. A gallant lover, he loved
her as in her dreams she had dreamed of being loved. The future held no
flaw.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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