Produced by Suzanne L. Shell, Charles Franks and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. THE GOLD BAT by P. G. Wodehouse 1904 [Dedication] To THAT PRINCE OF SLACKERS, HERBERT WESTBROOK CONTENTS Chapter I THE FIFTEENTH PLACE II THE GOLD BAT III THE MAYOR'S STATUE IV THE LEAGUE'S WARNING V MILL RECEIVES VISITORS VI TREVOR REMAINS FIRM VII "WITH THE COMPLIMENTS OF THE LEAGUE" VIII O'HARA ON THE TRACK IX MAINLY ABOUT FERRETS X BEING A CHAPTER OF ACCIDENTS XI THE HOUSE-MATCHES XII NEWS OF THE GOLD BAT XIII VICTIM NUMBER THREE XIV THE WHITE FIGURE XV A SPRAIN AND A VACANT PLACE XVI THE RIPTON MATCH XVII THE WATCHERS IN THE VAULT XVIII O'HARA EXCELS HIMSELF XIX THE MAYOR'S VISIT XX THE FINDING OF THE BAT XXI THE LEAGUE REVEALED XXII A DRESS REHEARSAL XXIII WHAT RENFORD SAW XXIV CONCLUSION I THE FIFTEENTH PLACE "Outside!" "Don't be an idiot, man. I bagged it first." "My dear chap, I've been waiting here a month." "When you fellows have _quite_ finished rotting about in front of that bath don't let _me_ detain you." "Anybody seen that sponge?" "Well, look here"--this in a tone of compromise--"let's toss for it." "All right. Odd man out." All of which, being interpreted, meant that the first match of the Easter term had just come to an end, and that those of the team who, being day boys, changed over at the pavilion, instead of performing the operation at leisure and in comfort, as did the members of houses, were discussing the vital question--who was to have first bath? The Field Sports Committee at Wrykyn--that is, at the school which stood some half-mile outside that town and took its name from it--were not lavish in their expenditure as regarded the changing accommodation in the pavilion. Letters appeared in every second number of the _Wrykinian_, some short, others long, some from members of the school, others from Old Boys, all protesting against the condition of the first, second, and third fifteen dressing-rooms. "Indignant" would inquire acidly, in half a page of small type, if the editor happened to be aware that there was no hair-brush in the second room, and only half a comb. "Disgusted O. W." would remark that when he came down with the Wandering Zephyrs to play against the third fifteen, the water supply had suddenly and mysteriously failed, and the W.Z.'s had been obliged to go home as they were, in a state of primeval grime, and he thought that this was "a very bad thing in a school of over six hundred boys", though what the number of boys had to do with the fact that there was no water he omitted to explain. The editor would express his regret in brackets, and things would go on as before.