Composers -- Fiction; German fiction -- Translations into English; Germany -- Fiction
“I will take you home,” declared Daniel. Surprised by such unusual
gallantry, Eleanore looked at him with amazement. He at once became
moody; she was still more surprised. “I can go home alone, Daniel,” she
said in a tone of noticeable seriousness, “you do not need to put
yourself out for me.”
“Put myself out? What do you mean? Are you one of those people who can’t
keep a tune, and step on the pedal when their sentiment runs short?”
Eleanore had nothing to say.
“Put your great coat on, Daniel,” said Gertrude in the hall, “it is cold
and windy out.”
She wanted to help him on with it, but he threw it in the clothes press;
he was irritated.
He walked along at Eleanore’s side through the deserted streets.
She had already put the key in the front door, when she turned around,
looked up in a most unhappy way, and said: “Daniel, what in the world is
the matter with you? When I look at you, a feeling of anguish and
distress comes over me. What have I done that you should act so
disagreeably toward me?”
“Oh, forget it, think about something else, don’t mention the subject
any more,” said Daniel, in a rough, rude voice. But the glance she fixed
on him was so stern and unpitying, so testing and so un-girl-like, so
strong and so bold, that he felt his heart grow softer. “Let us take a
little walk,” he said.
For a long time they paced back and forth in perfect silence. Then she
asked him what he was working on now. He made cautious, non-committal
replies, and then suddenly he was overwhelmed with a flood of words. He
remarked that he felt at times as if he were struggling with goblins in
the dark. What gushed forth from the deepest depths of his soul, he
said, was somehow or other too noisy and blatant, and died in his hands
while he was trying to create an appropriate form for it. He said he had
no success with anything unless it was something disembodied,
incorporeal, the melody of which had thus far found an echo in no human
breast. Therefore he seemed to be groping around, without anchorage,
after sprites from the land of nowhere. And the more domineering the
order was to which he subjected his mind and his fancy, the more lost
and hopeless his earthly self seemed to be as it drifted in the chaos of
the everyday world. He remarked that heaven was in his dreams, hell in
his association with men. And how dead everything about him seemed to
be! It was all like a cemetery; it was a cemetery. His doughtiest life
was gradually transformed into a shadow and lacerated into a
monstrosity. But that he was aggrieved at men he felt full well; for
they lived more innocent lives than he, and they were more useful.
“But you have some one to hold to,” said Eleanore, realising that she
was skating on thin ice, “you have Gertrude.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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