At last she started up with a confused sense of wasted time, and began
to undress mechanically, trying to concentrate her thoughts the while
on the problem that faced her. But they wandered back to her first
night in the fine house--when a separate bedroom was a new experience
and she was afraid to sleep alone, though turned fifteen. But she was
more afraid of appearing a great baby, and so no one in the world
would ever know what the imaginative little creature had lived down.
In the middle of brushing her hair she ran to the door and locked it,
from a sudden dread that she might oversleep herself and some one
would come in and see the letter on the writing-desk. She had not
solved the problem even by the time she got into bed; the fire
opposite the foot was burning down, but there was a red glow
penetrating the dimness. She had forgotten to draw the blind, and she
saw the clear stars shining peacefully in the sky. She looked and
looked at them, and they led her thoughts away from the problem once
more. She seemed to be lying in Victoria Park, looking up with
innocent mystic rapture and restfulness at the brooding blue sky. The
blood-and-thunder boys' story she had borrowed from Solomon had fallen
from her hand and lay unheeded on the grass. Solomon was tossing a
ball to Rachel which he had acquired by a colossal accumulation of
buttons, and Isaac and Sarah were rolling and wrangling on the grass.
Oh, why had she deserted them? What were they doing now, without her
mother-care, out and away beyond the great seas? For weeks together
the thought of them had not once crossed her mind; to-night she
stretched her arms involuntarily towards her loved ones, not towards
the shadowy figures of reality--scarcely less phantasmal than the dead
Benjamin--but towards the childish figures of the past. What happy
times they had had together in the dear old garret!
In her strange half-waking hallucination, her outstretched arms were
clasped round little Sarah. She was putting her to bed, and the tiny
thing was repeating after her--in broken Hebrew--the children's night
prayer, 'Suffer me to lie down in peace, and let me rise up in peace.
Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one,' with its
unauthorised appendix in baby-English, 'Dod teep me and mate me a dood
dirl, orways.'
She woke to full consciousness with a start; her arms chilled, her
face wet. But the problem was solved.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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