Mrs. Deacon stood this as long as possible, and then she decided to stand it no longer--unless she had to. “Eph, you good-for-nothin' lazy animal,” she remarked to her husband one morning, as she started him on his rounds, “if you was a man, I'd send you over to talk to that Doolittle woman; but you ain't, so it ain't no use sendin' you. But if you meet up with that lazy, good-for-nothin' husband of hers, you give him a piece o' my mind, an' let him know what I think o' them what comes stealin' away my business, an' breakin' down prices, which I don't wonder at, her pies not bein' in the same class as mine, as everybody knows. If you was any good, you'd mash his head in for him, just to show her what I think of them. But there! Like as not, if you do catch up with him, you two will sit an' gossip like two old grannies, which is all you are good for, either of you.” Being thus admonished, Eph Deacon set forth to deliver his pies. As he reached the bridge over Mud River, Phinny Doolittle, with a basket of pies on each arm, started to cross the bridge from the opposite side, and the two men--if Mrs. Deacon will allow me--met in the middle of the bridge, and with a common impulse put down their baskets and wiped their brows. “Howdy, Phin! Blame hot day to-day, hey?” remarked Eph. “Howdy! Howdy, Eph!” replied Phineas; “'tis so--some smatterin' o' warmth in the air, ain't it?” “Dunno as I know if I ever knew one much hotter,” said Eph. “How's the pie business over your way?” “Well, now,” said Phin, “'t ain't what you'd call good, nor't ain't what you'd call bad. I dunno what I _would_ call it, unless I'd call it 'bout fair to middlin'. How's it over your way?” “'Well,” Eph said, “I dunno. I ain't got no real cause to complain, I reckon; but it does seem as if prices on pies was gittin' too low to make it worth while fer a man to keep his woman over a hot stove a day like this. It don't seem right fer folks to break into business an' cut the liver out of prices.” “Oh, now, Eph!” Phin expostulated, “you ain't got no just cause fer to say that. A man's got to do something to git started, ain't he?” “If we're goin' to fight this out,” said Eph, calmly, “I move we adjourn over yon into the shade an' set down to it. This ain't no question fer to settle in no two shakes of a ram's tail, Phineas, an' we mought as well settle it right now an' git shet of it.” “I dassay you're right in that, Eph,” Phineas agreed; “an' we'll jest kite over yonder an' set down an' figure the whole blame business out, so 's we won't have to bother about it no more.” CHAPTER TWO When the two men were comfortably settled in the shade and had lighted their pipes, Eph, as the senior in the trade and the party with a complaint, opened his mouth to speak; but before the words came forth, Phineas outflanked him and let fly a thunderbolt. “Eph,” he said, “you got to lower down your pie prices to even up with what mine are.” Eph looked at his companion in astonishment.