The Great American Pie CompanyButler, Ellis Parker
General
The Great American Pie Company
Butler, Ellis Parker
Business -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Short stories; United States -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
“Dog me if I know,” he sighed. “There's just one thing,” said Phineas.
“We got to form a stock company, you an' me, an' put all our earnings
together, an' then, every so often, divide up even. Then if I sell more
pies because mine are eight cents, you'll git your half of all I sell;
an' if you sell more because your pies are bigger an' better, I'll get
my share of what you sell. An' when things git goin' all right, we'll
raise up the price all around--say, my pies to ten cents an' yours to
twelve; an' bein' in cahoots, there won't be nobody to say we sha'n't do
it, an' we'll lay aside that extra profit to build up the business.”
“Phineas,” said Eph, solemnly, “it's a wonder I didn't think o' that
myself.”
“Ain't it, now?” asked Phineas. “But I 've give this thing some thought,
an' I ain't begun to tell you where it ends. I wanted to see how you
took to it before I let it all out on you.”
Eph leaned forward eagerly. “Go on,” he said. “Let it out on me now.”
“When the only two homemade pie-makers git together like we'll be,” said
Phineas, triumphantly, “I'd like to know who'll stop us from liftin'
up the price. Huh! Them that don't like to pay our prices, they can eat
bakers' pies an' welcome.”
“I know some folks in this town,” Eph said, “that wouldn't eat bakers'
pies if they had to pay twenty-five cents apiece for homemade.” He
paused to consider this pregnant statement, and then added: “But I
reckon the bakers would git away a heap of our trade if we begun liftin'
our prices much.” Phineas's eyes snapped.
“They would, hey?” he said, laughing. “Mebby they would an' mebby they
wouldn't. What do you suppose we'd be doin' with that surplus we'd
accumulate? Come strawberry season, we'd up an' buy every strawberry
that come to Gloning. We'd pay more than anybody could afford to, an'
add the difference to our strawberry-pie price, because we'd have the
only strawberry pies in town. An' what strawberries we couldn't use
right off we'd can for winter pies. An' as other fruits come in,
we'd buy them up the same way. But we wouldn't be mean. We'd open a
fruit-store an' sell folks fruit at a good high price if they'd sign an
agreement not to use any fer pie. An' in a little while the bakers would
git sick an' sell out their shops to us fer almost nothin'. An' then
we'd go into the bakin' business big.”
“We'd bake cakes an' bread then,” said Eph, eagerly.
“Cakes an' bread an' doughnuts an' buns an' everything,” said Phineas,
with enthusiasm. “We'll git one big bake-shop an' save on expenses, an'
shove up the price of stuff a little, an' just coin money.”
“We'd ought to git at it quick,” said Eph. “We'd oughtn't to waste no
time. What do you reckon would be a good name fer the company?”
“I've fixed that all up,” said Phineas. “We'll call it the American Pie
Company, Incorporated; an' bein' as only you an' me will be in it, we'll
each have to be officers.”
“I'm goin' to be president,” exclaimed Eph, with all the eagerness of a
boy.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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