white arms, lures wickedly unattainable to my supposed swooning
senses; she talked, sweetly serious, with Lady Skene, on the subject
of the divine goodness in damning three-fourths of the world for the
sake of the other quarter, and dropped texts from her lips as daintily
as cherry stones. If it was all designed as a sharp lesson to me, it
was all signally successful. “The girl is mother to the woman,” I
thought. She is a humbug here as she was a humbug in my lodge. It is
nothing but her puckish instinct to play a part to desire.
I never came to the house but of nights to dine, conforming only, in
its strictly literal sense, with Lord Skene’s expressed wish; and then
I would dawdle out an impatient hour in the drawing-room, and the
moment the clock struck ten be off to my woods again. Lady Skene had
accepted my reappearance with no comment but the briefest greeting;
but I thought her manner to me was more chilling than ever. She seemed
resolved upon disallowing my last claim to her consideration. As a
child it had always been as if, coldly and softly, she had disengaged
my fingers one by one from her skirts to which they clung. Now we were
utterly dissevered; but I cried out still that I might not hate her.
She did not hate me, I am sure. She only looked upon me as a brand, a
thing foredoomed, whom it were useless to shape for a destiny which
could never be his. Perhaps in her deepest heart there may have lurked
a terror of herself, were she once to permit herself to think of me--a
fear that after all, in some quick frenzy, she might be moved to
disown the pietist for the mother. I will believe it. Such inhumanity
as hers seems incomprehensible without.
As I held to my wild habits by day, playing only in the evenings up to
polite convention, I was certain to encounter Miss Christmas about the
grounds, and as a matter of fact I did, many times. On such occasions
she would always pass me with a warble and a stare, or a cock to her
kittenish nose, as if I were an odorous stable-boy, which as regularly
tickled me, until one day I felt tired of it. I had run upon her at
the head of the thicket path which opened into the “Baby’s Garden,”
and I suddenly barred her way, so that she could not get round me
right or left.
“Were you going down there?” I asked, signifying the lodge.
Fury flew into her eyes.
“How dare you--how dare you suggest it!” she cried.
“Why, it wouldn’t be for the first time, you know,” I said.
She looked in helpless anger about her a moment; then faced me like a
young harpy.
“I thought, perhaps, in spite of all--of all the misfortune at your
birth--you might be a gentleman at heart. But I was mistaken, and you
are the very farthest from it; and I see now that it’s impossible ever
to hope to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.”
“Thank you, for my father. My mother can answer for herself. The
pillmaker’s granddaughter is the best judge, of course.”
“Let me pass, please.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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