New York (N.Y.) -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
At first the doctors had said that six weeks of mild air would set him
right; but when he came back this assurance was explained as having of
course included a winter in a dry climate. They gave up their pretty
house, storing the wedding presents and new furniture, and went to
Colorado. She had hated it there from the first. Nobody knew her or
cared about her; there was no one to wonder at the good match she had
made, or to envy her the new dresses and the visiting-cards which were
still a surprise to her. And he kept growing worse. She felt herself
beset with difficulties too evasive to be fought by so direct a
temperament. She still loved him, of course; but he was gradually,
undefinably ceasing to be himself. The man she had married had been
strong, active, gently masterful: the male whose pleasure it is to clear
a way through the material obstructions of life; but now it was she who
was the protector, he who must be shielded from importunities and given
his drops or his beef-juice though the skies were falling. The routine
of the sick-room bewildered her; this punctual administering of medicine
seemed as idle as some uncomprehended religious mummery.
There were moments, indeed, when warm gushes of pity swept away her
instinctive resentment of his condition, when she still found his old
self in his eyes as they groped for each other through the dense
medium of his weakness. But these moments had grown rare. Sometimes
he frightened her: his sunken expressionless face seemed that of a
stranger; his voice was weak and hoarse; his thin-lipped smile a mere
muscular contraction. Her hand avoided his damp soft skin, which had
lost the familiar roughness of health: she caught herself furtively
watching him as she might have watched a strange animal. It frightened
her to feel that this was the man she loved; there were hours when to
tell him what she suffered seemed the one escape from her fears. But
in general she judged herself more leniently, reflecting that she
had perhaps been too long alone with him, and that she would feel
differently when they were at home again, surrounded by her robust and
buoyant family. How she had rejoiced when the doctors at last gave their
consent to his going home! She knew, of course, what the decision meant;
they both knew. It meant that he was to die; but they dressed the truth
in hopeful euphuisms, and at times, in the joy of preparation, she
really forgot the purpose of their journey, and slipped into an eager
allusion to next year’s plans.
At last the day of leaving came. She had a dreadful fear that they would
never get away; that somehow at the last moment he would fail her; that
the doctors held one of their accustomed treacheries in reserve; but
nothing happened. They drove to the station, he was installed in a seat
with a rug over his knees and a cushion at his back, and she hung out
of the window waving unregretful farewells to the acquaintances she had
really never liked till then.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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