New York (N.Y.) -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
Gradually new thoughts crowded upon her, vivid and urgent: she tried
to separate and restrain them, but they beset her clamorously, like
her school-children at the end of a hot day, when she was too tired
to silence them. Her head grew confused, and she felt a sick fear of
forgetting her part, of betraying herself by some unguarded word or
look.
“I must pretend I don’t know,” she went on murmuring. The words had lost
their significance, but she repeated them mechanically, as though they
had been a magic formula, until suddenly she heard herself saying: “I
can’t remember, I can’t remember!”
Her voice sounded very loud, and she looked about her in terror; but no
one seemed to notice that she had spoken.
As she glanced down the car her eye caught the curtains of her husband’s
berth, and she began to examine the monotonous arabesques woven through
their heavy folds. The pattern was intricate and difficult to trace;
she gazed fixedly at the curtains and as she did so the thick stuff grew
transparent and through it she saw her husband’s face--his dead face.
She struggled to avert her look, but her eyes refused to move and her
head seemed to be held in a vice. At last, with an effort that left her
weak and shaking, she turned away; but it was of no use; close in
front of her, small and smooth, was her husband’s face. It seemed to be
suspended in the air between her and the false braids of the woman who
sat in front of her. With an uncontrollable gesture she stretched out
her hand to push the face away, and suddenly she felt the touch of his
smooth skin. She repressed a cry and half started from her seat. The
woman with the false braids looked around, and feeling that she must
justify her movement in some way she rose and lifted her travelling-bag
from the opposite seat. She unlocked the bag and looked into it; but
the first object her hand met was a small flask of her husband’s, thrust
there at the last moment, in the haste of departure. She locked the bag
and closed her eyes ... his face was there again, hanging between her
eye-balls and lids like a waxen mask against a red curtain....
She roused herself with a shiver. Had she fainted or slept? Hours seemed
to have elapsed; but it was still broad day, and the people about her
were sitting in the same attitudes as before.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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