The Greatest Plague of Life: or, the Adventures of a Lady in Search of a Good Servant.Mayhew, Henry
General
The Greatest Plague of Life: or, the Adventures of a Lady in Search of a Good Servant.
Mayhew, Henry
English wit and humor; Household employees
Really, when I came to turn it over in my mind, it was such heavenly
weather that, upon my word, it seemed to me like a sin to go shutting
oneself up in those close first and second class carriages, with a set
of old molly-coddles, that will have all the windows up, when for half
or even a quarter of the money that one is obliged to pay for being
stifled alive, one can have all the advantage of travelling in an open
carriage, and breathing that beautiful, pure, and balmy country air,
which, to a person living in such a smoky place as London, is positively
beyond all price. Not that I should wish any one to suppose that it was
the paltry difference between the fares that influenced my opinion, for
I declare I would sooner any day pay the price of the first class
carriages to be allowed to ride in the third. Besides, it wasn’t as if I
was likely to meet with any one that I was acquainted with--though for
the matter of that, it was little or nothing to me if I did. So (I make
no secret about it, for I don’t care who knows it) I made up my mind to
go in the third class--especially as I should have to pay that minx of a
Miss Emma her board wages for the fortnight, so that what with cab hire,
and those shameful impositions of turnpikes, I was fearful lest the
money that Edward had left with me for the housekeeping might run short,
and I should be driven up in a corner for want of funds. Consequently, I
put on an old dress that I didn’t care about spoiling, for I wasn’t
going to be stupid enough to run the chance of having an expensive gown
entirely ruined by those filthy smuts from the engine, or to go decking
oneself out so as to attract notice where you rather wished to avoid it.
When I had finished packing, I sat down, for the first time that day,
just to try and coax myself to eat a mouthful of the beautiful little
leg of mutton that I had had for dinner the day before, and which had
looked such a picture in the butcher’s shop, that I took quite a fancy
to it, as I was sure that it would eat as nice and tender as lamb, and
so it did. While I was thus occupied, I gave that simpleton of a Miss
Emma a card, on which I had written, in a large round hand, “Mrs.
Sk--n--st--n, passenger, Guildford,” so that there might be no mistake
about my luggage, and told her (as I do like to have my meals in quiet)
to fasten it on my box with a tack or two, and then to run round and
fetch me a cab as quick as she could; for, on looking at the clock, I
found I had no time to spare, and I wanted to cut up the remainder of
the mutton into a sandwich or two, as I didn’t see the good of leaving
it for that good-for-nothing servant of mine, when I was going to put
her upon board wages; and, as I said to myself, who knows but I might be
thankful for something to eat on the journey, and even if I shouldn’t
be, why it would save me the expense of having any cold meat with my
tea.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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