Autobiographical fiction; France -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
Alas, this phantom was just what I did see when, entering the
drawing-room before my grandmother had been told of my return, I found
her there, reading. I was in the room, or rather I was not yet in the
room since she was not aware of my presence, and, like a woman whom one
surprises at a piece of work which she will lay aside if anyone comes
in, she had abandoned herself to a train of thoughts which she had never
allowed to be visible by me. Of myself—thanks to that privilege which
does not last but which one enjoys during the brief moment of return,
the faculty of being a spectator, so to speak, of one’s own
absence,—there was present only the witness, the observer, with a hat
and travelling coat, the stranger who does not belong to the house, the
photographer who has called to take a photograph of places which one
will never see again. The process that mechanically occurred in my eyes
when I caught sight of my grandmother was indeed a photograph. We never
see the people who are dear to us save in the animated system, the
perpetual motion of our incessant love for them, which before allowing
the images that their faces present to reach us catches them in its
vortex, flings them back upon the idea that we have always had of them,
makes them adhere to it, coincide with it. How, since into the forehead,
the cheeks of my grandmother I had been accustomed to read all the most
delicate, the most permanent qualities of her mind; how, since every
casual glance is an act of necromancy, each face that we love a mirror
of the past, how could I have failed to overlook what in her had become
dulled and changed, seeing that in the most trivial spectacles of our
daily life, our eye, charged with thought, neglects, as would a
classical tragedy, every image that does not assist the action of the
play and retains only those that may help to make its purpose
intelligible. But if, in place of our eye, it should be a purely
material object, a photographic plate, that has watched the action, then
what we shall see, in the courtyard of the Institute, for example, will
be, instead of the dignified emergence of an Academician who is going to
hail a cab, his staggering gait, his precautions to avoid tumbling upon
his back, the parabola of his fall, as though he were drunk, or the
ground frozen over. So is it when some casual sport of chance prevents
our intelligent and pious affection from coming forward in time to hide
from our eyes what they ought never to behold, when it is forestalled by
our eyes, and they, arising first in the field and having it to
themselves, set to work mechanically, like films, and shew us, in place
of the loved friend who has long ago ceased to exist but whose death our
affection has always hitherto kept concealed from us, the new person
whom a hundred times daily that affection has clothed with a dear and
cheating likeness. And, as a sick man who for long has not looked at his
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account