Autobiographical fiction; France -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
And when they had “come round” for her, and she found herself alone in
the room with the “anyone”, she had known so well what was required of
her that after locking the door, as a prudent woman’s precaution or a
ritual gesture, she would begin to take off all her things, as one does
before the doctor who is going to sound one’s chest, never stopping in
the process unless the “some one”, not caring for nudity, told her that
she might keep on her shift, as specialists do sometimes who, having an
extremely fine ear and being afraid of their patient’s catching a chill,
are satisfied with listening to his breathing and the beating of his
heart through his shirt. On this woman whose whole life, all her
thoughts, all her past, all the men who at one time or another had had
her were to me so utterly unimportant that if she had begun to tell me
about them I should have listened to her only out of politeness, and
should barely have heard what she said, I felt that the anxiety, the
torment, the love of Saint-Loup had been concentrated in such a way as
to make—out of what was for me a mechanical toy, nothing more—the cause
of endless suffering, the very object and reward of existence. Seeing
these two elements separately (because I had known “Rachel when from the
Lord” in a house of ill fame), I realised that many women for the sake
of whom men live, suffer, take their lives, may be in themselves or for
other people what Rachel was for me. The idea that any one could be
tormented by curiosity with regard to her life stupefied me. I could
have told Robert of any number of her unchastities, which seemed to me
the most uninteresting things in the world. And how they would have
pained him! And what had he not given to learn them, without avail!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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