Autobiographical fiction; France -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
I realised also then all that the human imagination can put behind a
little scrap of face, such as this girl’s face was, if it is the
imagination that was the first to know it; and conversely into what
wretched elements, crudely material and utterly without value, might be
decomposed what had been the inspiration of countless dreams if, on the
contrary, it should be so to speak controverted by the slightest actual
acquaintance. I saw that what had appeared to me to be not worth twenty
francs when it had been offered to me for twenty francs in the house of
ill fame, where it was then for me simply a woman desirous of earning
twenty francs, might be worth more than a million, more than one’s
family, more than all the most coveted positions in life if one had
begun by imagining her to embody a strange creature, interesting to
know, difficult to seize and to hold. No doubt it was the same thin and
narrow face that we saw, Robert and I. But we had arrived at it by two
opposite ways, between which there was no communication, and we should
never both see it from the same side. That face, with its stares, its
smiles, the movements of its lips, I had known from outside as being
simply that of a woman of the sort who for twenty francs would do
anything that I asked. And so her stares, her smiles, the movements of
her lips had seemed to me significant merely of the general actions of a
class without any distinctive quality. And beneath them I should not
have had the curiosity to look for a person. But what to me had in a
sense been offered at the start, that consenting face, had been for
Robert an ultimate goal towards which he had made his way through
endless hopes and doubts, suspicions, dreams. He gave more than a
million francs in order to have for himself, in order that there might
not be offered to others what had been offered to me, as to all and
sundry, for a score. That he too should not have enjoyed it at the lower
price may have been due to the chance of a moment, the instant in which
she who seemed ready to yield herself makes off, having perhaps an
assignation elsewhere, some reason which makes her more difficult of
access that day. Should the man be a sentimentalist, then, even if she
has not observed it, but infinitely more if she has, the direst game
begins. Unable to swallow his disappointment, to make himself forget
about the woman, he starts afresh in pursuit, she flies him, until a
mere smile for which he no longer ventured to hope is bought at a
thousand times what should have been the price of the last, the most
intimate favours. It happens even at times in such a case, when one has
been led by a mixture of simplicity in one’s judgment and cowardice in
the face of suffering to commit the crowning folly of making an
inaccessible idol of a girl, that these last favours, or even the first
kiss one is fated never to obtain, one no longer even ventures to ask
for them for fear of destroying one’s chances of Platonic love. And it
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account