Autobiographical fiction; France -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
Robert went to his mistress, taking with him the splendid ornament
which, after what had been said on both sides, he ought not to have
given her. But it came to the same thing, for she would not look at it,
and even after their reconciliation he could never persuade her to
accept it. Certain of Robert’s friends thought that these proofs of
disinterestedness which she furnished were deliberately planned to draw
him closer to her. And yet she was not greedy about money, except
perhaps to be able to spend it without thought. I have seen her bestow
recklessly on people whom she believed to be in need the most insensate
charity. “At this moment,” Robert’s friends would say to him, seeking to
balance by their malicious words a disinterested action on Rachel’s
part, “at this moment she will be in the promenade at the
Folies-Bergères. She’s an enigma, that girl is, a regular sphinx.” After
all, how many women who are not disinterested, since they are kept by
men, have we not seen, with a delicacy that flowers from their sordid
existence, set with their own hands a thousand little limits to the
generosity of their lovers?
Robert knew of scarcely any of the infidelities of his mistress, and
tortured his mind over what were mere nothings compared with the real
life of Rachel, a life which began every day only after he had left her.
He knew of scarcely any of these infidelities. One could have told him
of them without shaking his confidence in Rachel. For it is a charming
law of nature which manifests itself in the heart of the most complex
social organisms, that we live in perfect ignorance of those we love. On
one side of the mirror the lover says to himself: “She is an angel, she
will never yield herself to me, I may as well die—and yet she does care
for me; she cares so much that perhaps—but no, it can never possibly
happen.” And in the exaltation of his desire, in the anguish of waiting,
what jewels he flings at the feet of this woman, how he runs to borrow
money to save her from inconvenience; meanwhile, on the other side of
the screen, through which their conversation will no more carry than
that which visitors exchange outside the glass wall of an aquarium, the
public are saying: “You don’t know her? I congratulate you, she has
robbed, in fact ruined I don’t know how many men. There isn’t a worse
girl in Paris. She’s a common swindler. And cunning isn’t the word!” And
perhaps the public are not entirely wrong in their use of the last
epithet, for indeed the sceptical man who is not really in love with the
woman and whom she merely attracts says to his friends: “No, no, my dear
fellow, she is not in the least a prostitute; I don’t say she hasn’t had
an adventure or two in her time, but she’s not a woman one pays, she’d
be a damned sight too expensive if she was. With her it’s fifty thousand
francs or nothing.” Well, he has spent fifty thousand francs on her, he
has had her once, but she (finding, moreover, a willing accomplice in
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