Autobiographical fiction; France -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
I had started off at once, without even getting out of the lift which
Professor E—— had himself set in motion to take me down again, casting a
suspicious glance at me as he did so.
We may, indeed, say that the hour of death is uncertain, but when we say
so we represent that hour to ourselves as situated in a vague and remote
expanse of time, it never occurs to us that it can have any connexion
with the day that has already dawned, or may signify that death—or its
first assault and partial possession of us, after which it will never
leave hold of us again—may occur this very afternoon, so far from
uncertain, this afternoon every hour of which has already been allotted
to some occupation. You make a point of taking your drive every day so
that in a month’s time you will have had the full benefit of the fresh
air; you have hesitated over which cloak you will take, which cabman to
call, you are in the cab, the whole day lies before you, short because
you have to be at home early, as a friend is coming to see you; you hope
that it will be as fine again to-morrow; and you have no suspicion that
death, which has been making its way towards you along another plane,
shrouded in an impenetrable darkness, has chosen precisely this day of
all days to make its appearance, in a few minutes’ time, more or less,
at the moment when the carriage has reached the Champs-Elysées. Perhaps
those who are haunted as a rule by the fear of the utter strangeness of
death will find something reassuring in this kind of death—in this kind
of first contact with death—because death thus assumes a known, familiar
guise of everyday life. A good luncheon has preceded it, and the same
outing that people take who are in perfect health. A drive home in an
open carriage comes on top of its first onslaught; ill as my grandmother
was, there were, after all, several people who could testify that at six
o’clock, as we came home from the Champs-Elysées, they had bowed to her
as she drove past in an open carriage, in perfect weather. Legrandin,
making his way towards the Place de la Concorde, raised his hat to us,
stopping to look after us with an air of surprise. I, who was not yet
detached from life, asked my grandmother if she had acknowledged his
greeting, reminding her of his readiness to take offence. My
grandmother, thinking me no doubt very frivolous, raised her hand in the
air as though to say: “What does it matter? It is not of the least
importance.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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