There was something blank, uncomprehending in the way they smiled at
him. Kane knew then that they could never allow themselves to try to
understand his situation, because then they might question their own.
For example, if they've taken refuge in one another from a terrible
fear of insecurity, anxiety, and aloneness, then Kane could only
represent the threat of reawakened fear.
What was the use?
"We'll turn the lights down low, how would that be, Prof?" Phil asked.
"We'd like that," Laura whispered.
"Don't be afraid, we're with you," Ben said.
"We'll sing you into dreamland," Jenny said.
"Don't be afraid. We're all together and our Gang is with you," someone
else said. It didn't matter who really, Kane thought, because they all
spoke not as individuals but as the Gang.
"Through sunshine and in shadow," Lucille said.
The lights dimmed slowly as Kane curled up on the bed and clenched his
eyes shut. He pulled the sheet up over his face. He pressed his fingers
into his ears. But it wouldn't work. Nothing like that would do any
good. You couldn't shut off indignity such as this. You couldn't block
out such an intrusion of spirit and human dignity by burying your head,
or pressing your ears.
You could try, but not very long, not when you knew it wouldn't do any
good.
He had no idea now what time it was, how long he had been here. He had
tried to spot a wall clock somewhere in the cocktail lounge, but none
was within view. That didn't help either, this timeless feeling. That
only enhanced the similarity it all had to a persisting nightmare.
It was a gnawing murmur all around him. It was like a hollow tooth. The
softened sounds of their voices going on and on was maddening because
they were softened. Softened for him, yet they were still there. He
felt like an irritated baby sleeping while adults talked, pretending to
soften their voices.
His body was slimy with sweat, and his head pounded with a dull ache.
He jumped out of bed and ran straight through Laura to the wall and
jerked the phone from its slot.
He yelled into it.
"This is Professor Larry Kane. Room 2004. I'm checking out. Send
someone up here with a key! I said send someone up here...."
"We understand, Professor Kane."
"Then you'll send someone up immediately with a key!"
"Please don't get upset. The Staff has been busy, but now the Staff
will soon be with you."
The Staff....
"I just want a key, I want to get the hell out of here!"
Kane yelled several times into the phone after the click, but no voice
came back. He had grabbed up the table, the metal table at the head
of the bed, and flung it into the wall before he realized what he was
doing.
The shadows moved toward him. Phil, Laura, Ben, Jenny, Lawrence,
Lucille, all the others, nameless, what did it matter anyway, their
names?
They were smiling, holding out their arms to him. Compassionate,
sympathy, they had it all. All they wanted to do was help him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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