The knot of Earthers slowly broke up and drifted away to dance. He
looked at Jonne, who had stood patiently at his side through all this.
"I don't dance," he said. "I never learned how." He watched the other
couples moving gracefully around the floor, looking for all the world
like an assemblage of puppets. He stared in the dim light, watching the
couples clinging to each other as they rocked through the motions of the
dance. He stood against the wall, wearing his ugliness like a shield. He
saw the great gulf which separated him from the Earthers spreading
before him, as he watched the dancers and the gay chatter and the empty
badinage and the furtive hand-holding, and everything else from which he
was cut off. The bizarre Individs were dancing together--he noticed one
man putting an extra arm to full advantage--and the almost identical
Conforms had formed their own group again. Rolf wondered how they told
each other apart when they all looked alike.
"Come on," Jonne said. "I'll show you how to dance." He turned to look
at her, with her glossy blonde hair and even features. She smiled
prettily, revealing white teeth. _Probably newly purchased?_ Rolf
wondered.
"Actually I do know how to dance," Rolf said. "But I do it so badly--"
"That doesn't matter," she said gaily. "Come on."
She took his arm. Maybe she doesn't think I look like an ape, he
thought. She doesn't treat me the way the others do. But why am I so
ugly, and why is she so pretty?
He looked at her and she looked at him, and he felt her glance on his
stubbly face with its ferocious teeth and burning yellowish eyes. He
didn't want her to see him at all; he wished he had no face.
He folded her in his arms, feeling her warmth radiate through him. She
was very tall, he realized, almost as tall as a Spacer woman--but with
none of the harsh ruggedness of the women of Spacertown. They danced,
she well, he clumsily. When the music stopped she guided him to the
entrance of a veranda.
They walked outside into the cool night air. The lights of the city
obscured most of the stars, but a few still showed, and the moon hung
high above Yawk. He could dimly make out the lights of Spacertown across
the river, and he thought again of Laney and Kanaday and wished Kanaday
could see him now with this beautiful Earther next to him.
"You must get lonely in space," she said after a while.
"I do," he said, trying to keep his voice gentle. "But it's where I
belong. I'm bred for it."
She nodded. "Yes. And any of those so-called men inside would give ten
years of his life to be able to go to space. But yet you say it's
lonely."
* * * * *
"Those long rides through the night," he said. "They get you down. You
want to be back among people. So you come back. You come back. And what
do you come back to?"
"I know," she said softly. "I've seen Spacertown."
"Why must it be that way?" he demanded. "Why are Spacers so lucky and
so wretched all at once?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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