The Haunted Man and the Ghost's BargainDickens, Charles
General
The Haunted Man and the Ghost's Bargain
Dickens, Charles
Christmas stories; Ghost stories
It was a peculiarity of this baby to be always cutting teeth. Whether
they never came, or whether they came and went away again, is not in
evidence; but it had certainly cut enough, on the showing of Mrs.
Tetterby, to make a handsome dental provision for the sign of the Bull
and Mouth. All sorts of objects were impressed for the rubbing of its
gums, notwithstanding that it always carried, dangling at its waist
(which was immediately under its chin), a bone ring, large enough to have
represented the rosary of a young nun. Knife-handles, umbrella-tops, the
heads of walking-sticks selected from the stock, the fingers of the
family in general, but especially of Johnny, nutmeg-graters, crusts, the
handles of doors, and the cool knobs on the tops of pokers, were among
the commonest instruments indiscriminately applied for this baby’s
relief. The amount of electricity that must have been rubbed out of it
in a week, is not to be calculated. Still Mrs. Tetterby always said “it
was coming through, and then the child would be herself;” and still it
never did come through, and the child continued to be somebody else.
The tempers of the little Tetterbys had sadly changed with a few hours.
Mr. and Mrs. Tetterby themselves were not more altered than their
offspring. Usually they were an unselfish, good-natured, yielding little
race, sharing short commons when it happened (which was pretty often)
contentedly and even generously, and taking a great deal of enjoyment out
of a very little meat. But they were fighting now, not only for the soap
and water, but even for the breakfast which was yet in perspective. The
hand of every little Tetterby was against the other little Tetterbys; and
even Johnny’s hand—the patient, much-enduring, and devoted Johnny—rose
against the baby! Yes, Mrs. Tetterby, going to the door by mere
accident, saw him viciously pick out a weak place in the suit of armour
where a slap would tell, and slap that blessed child.
Mrs. Tetterby had him into the parlour by the collar, in that same flash
of time, and repaid him the assault with usury thereto.
“You brute, you murdering little boy,” said Mrs. Tetterby. “Had you the
heart to do it?”
“Why don’t her teeth come through, then,” retorted Johnny, in a loud
rebellious voice, “instead of bothering me? How would you like it
yourself?”
“Like it, sir!” said Mrs. Tetterby, relieving him of his dishonoured
load.
“Yes, like it,” said Johnny. “How would you? Not at all. If you was
me, you’d go for a soldier. I will, too. There an’t no babies in the
Army.”
Mr. Tetterby, who had arrived upon the scene of action, rubbed his chin
thoughtfully, instead of correcting the rebel, and seemed rather struck
by this view of a military life.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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