'But meanwhile,' objected Wantley, 'love, and especially the pursuit of
the beloved, must surely stay his ambition, and even interfere with his
success?'
'Only inasmuch as it may render him more sensitive to physical danger
and less defiant of death.'
The young man had expected a very different answer. 'Yes,' he said
tentatively; 'you mean that a soldier, if a lover, is less inclined to
display reckless bravery than those among his comrades who have not the
same motive for self-preservation?'
'No, no!' exclaimed Downing impatiently; 'I do not mean that at all! All
history is there to prove the contrary. I was not thinking of
straightforward death in any shape, but of treachery, of assassination.
The man who loves'--he hesitated, his voice softened, altered in
quality--'above all, the man who knows himself to be beloved, is more
alive, more sensitive to the fear of annihilation, than he who only
lives to accomplish certain objects. The knowledge that this is so might
well make a man pause--during the brief moments when pausing is
possible--and it has undoubtedly led many a one to put deliberately from
himself all thought of love.'
Wantley looked at him with some curiosity, wondering whether his words
had a personal application.
'Now, take my own case,' continued Downing gravely. 'I am in quite
perpetual danger of assassination, and in this one matter, at any rate,
I am a fatalist. But should I have the right to ask a woman to share,
not only the actual risk, but also the mental strain? I once should have
said no; I now say yes.'
Wantley was too surprised to speak.
There was a pause, then Downing spoke again, but in a different tone:
'Oddly enough, the first time was the most nearly successful. In fact,
the person who had me drugged--perhaps I should say poisoned--succeeded
in his object, which was to obtain a paper which I had on my person.
Papers, letters, documents of every kind, are associated in my mind with
mischief, and I always get rid of them as soon as possible. Mr. Gumberg
has boxes full of papers I have sent him at intervals from Persia. I
have arranged with him that if anything happens to me they are to be
sent off to the Foreign Office. Once there'--he threw his head back and
laughed grimly--'they would probably never be looked at again. In no
case have I ever about me any papers or letters; everything of the kind
is locked away.'
'Yes; but you have to carry a key,' objected Wantley.
'There you have me! I do carry a key. One is driven to trust either a
human being or a lock. I prefer the lock.'
Wantley, as he left the Beach Room, felt decidedly more cheerful. The
conversation had interested and amused him. Above all, he had been moved
by the recital of Downing's early romance, and he wondered idly who the
lady in question could have been, whether she was still living, and
whether Downing ever had news of her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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