There are moments in the life of almost every human being when the sands
seem to be running out, when even the most careless, the least
scrupulous, feels a pang at the thought of all that has been left
undone, and, even more, of all that must be left unfinished and
incomplete. If the knowledge comes in the shape of a positive warning
that death is at hand, and will have to be faced in three months, in six
months, in a year, then the wise man sets his house in order as best he
can, and leaves the rest to God, or to that ordered chance in which so
many now believe as a substitute for Divine Providence. But when, as
perhaps more often happens in this strange, complicated world, a human
being has deliberately so set the hour-glass of his life that the sands
run out far more quickly than they were ever meant to do, and when the
last grain will bring, not death, but some astounding change in life,
dividing the what has been from the what will be more painfully than
would death itself; then the sense of responsibility, maybe the simple
fear of what may befall, is apt to make even the strongest nature quake.
Penelope had come to such a moment. She had so set her hour-glass that
now the sands were running out with what appeared to be relentless
haste, while the time left to her was beginning to seem so short, and
the things to be done in that same short time so many. She did not
waver, or rather she was not aware that, had it been possible, she would
perhaps have wavered. Instead, she was only conscious of a desire to
hasten on--to see everything cleared out of her way. One matter which
had never before troubled her now gave her much anxious thought--she
longed to retain, as far as might be possible, the good opinion of the
few people who really loved her.
And so it was with a mind deeply troubled that she stood waiting for
Winfrith, not in the studio, where every time she entered it everything
reminded her more and more of the life she was leaving, but in the high,
narrow room which corresponded on the ground-floor to Mrs. Mote's
bedroom above, and where still remained traces of the time when it had
been the study of Penelope's father--in a very real sense a workroom,
for there a great worker had spent many solitary hours.
On the ugly, substantial writing-table, so placed that the writer
commanded the whole of the wonderful view of the terraced gardens, the
irregular cliff-line, and the broad seas spread out below, Mrs. Robinson
had placed a number of documents tied up with red tape, also two small
black despatch-boxes, each stamped with the initials M. W. R. These
preparations for what she intended should be a short business interview
gave her courage. As she waited, nervously conscious that Winfrith was
now, what he so rarely was, a few minutes late, she turned and walked up
and down the narrow room, longing for the door to open and let him in,
longing even more for the moment when it should open and let him out.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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