"I knew you were coming to-night. I know why you were so late. I know
why you came. Hush, now--I know all that, too. Why, Gray, ever since I
saw you the first time--you remember?--why, it seems to me that ever
since then, even, I've been thinkin' o' this very hour. All the time I
was goin' to school when I first went to the Blue-grass, when I was
walkin' in the fields and workin' around the house and always lookin'
to the road to see you passin' by--I was thinkin', thinkin' all the
time. It seems to me every night of my life I went to sleep thinkin'--I
was alone so much and I was so lonely. It was all mighty puzzlin' to
me, but that time you didn't take me to that dance--hush now--I began
to understand. I told Jason an' he only got mad. He didn't understand,
for he was wilful and he was a man, and men don't somehow seem to see
and take things like women--they just want to go ahead and make them
the way they want them. But I understood right then. And then when I
come here the thinkin' started all over again differently when I was
goin' back and forwards from school and walkin' around in the woods and
listenin' to the wood-thrushes, and sittin' here in the porch at night
alone and lyin' up in the loft there lookin' out of the little window.
And when I heard you were comin' here I got to thinkin' differently,
because I got to hopin' differently and wonderin' if some miracle
mightn't yet happen in this world once more. But I watched you here,
and the more I watched you, the more I began to go back and think as I
used to think. Your people ain't mine, Gray, nor mine yours, and they
won't benot in our lifetime. I've seen you shrinkin' when you've been
with me in the houses of some of my own kin--shrinkin' at the table at
grandpap's and here, at the way folks eat an' live--shrinkin' at oaths
and loud voices and rough talk and liquor-drinkin' and all this talk
about killin' people, as though they were nothin' but hogs--shrinkin'
at everybody but me. If we stayed here, the time would come when you'd
be shrinkin' from me--don't now! But you ain't goin' to stay here,
Gray. I've heard Uncle Arch say you'd never make a business man. You're
too trustin', you've been a farmer and a gentleman for too many
generations. You're goin' back home--you've got to--some day--I know
that, and then the time would come when you'd be ashamed of me if I
went with you. It's the same way with Jason and Marjorie. Jason will
have to come back here--how do you suppose Marjorie would feel here,
bein' a woman, if you feel the way you do, bein' a man? Why, the time
would come when she'd be ashamed o' him--only worse. It won't do,
Gray." She turned his face toward the gap in the hills.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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