But Felix Bauer was one of the most simple-hearted and unsuspicious
souls that ever lived. If he had not been, some of the things that are
going to be true of this story could never have happened. He looked at
Walter and then at the broken mechanism and simply said: "I am sorry you
have failed. But it is nothing by the side of dishonor."
And then for the first time Walter looked openly and squarely into
Bauer's face and saw tragedy there. The incandescent light over the
bench was not a strong one. But Bauer was close to him and Walter
quickly saw that he was not thinking of what Walter had done, was not
going to ask him any questions about it, because some other thing was
gripping him, some other thing so strong and insistent and sorrowful
that it took possession of him and dominated him. Walter's action had
already passed out of his mind as simply an incident connected with some
disappointing experiment, and he was looking at Walter with an appeal in
his great, sad eyes which smote Walter like a blow in the dark.
He felt almost faint and instinctively he sat down. Bauer had gone over
to his own desk and stood leaning against it.
"I ought not to come in here and annoy you at this time," he said in his
slow, almost stammering manner, "but I--you see, somehow I felt so
lonely, so afraid, when I got off the train to-night, that I could not
help the desire to see you, and they told me you must be in the shop.
Heine says in the Lorelei, you know, 'Ich weiss nicht was soll es
bedeuten, das Ich so traurig bin?' But I do know why I am so sad. It is
disgrace which has befallen me, such deep disgrace to my home, my
father------"
He stopped and looked at Walter timidly as if not quite sure how his
confidence might be received. Walter sat with his head bowed, and
smitten into silence. He did not know what to say, but Bauer probably
took his silence for quiet sympathy, being of that nature himself and
mistaking Walter's attitude for earnest attention.
"My father--you will understand what it means--has deserted my mother,
and she has run away, the home destroyed is to be, and the disgrace--Oh,
it is greater, more than I can endure, I said as I was obliged to come
back for my things. It is more than I can bear alone, and you are so
strong, so principled."
Walter cowered in his chair, appalled at the thing that was happening to
him. Here was a soul in desperate need who had come to fling itself on
him for companionship and courage, and he with his own soul stained with
deception for the love of fame and money! He would have cried out; he
wanted to, but Bauer went on, now he had broken over his natural
reserve. He eagerly awaited Walter's sympathy, and his spirit hungered
for light in his darkness.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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