Governesses -- Fiction; Love stories; Young women -- Fiction
"The doctor says--that is, he's told me--that in a way it's mental. It's
the result of the strain he's put upon his nerves by overwork and awful
tempers. Of course, his responsibilities have been heavy, though of late
years he's been able to shift some of them to other people's shoulders.
And then," she went on, in her sweet, even voice, "what happened about
me--coming to him so late in life--and--and tearing him to pieces more
violently than if he'd been a younger man--young men get over
things--that made it worse. Don't you see it would?"
I said I could understand that that might be the effect.
"Of course, if I could really be a wife to him--"
"Well, can't you?"
She shuddered.
"He terrifies me. When he's there I'm not a woman any more; I'm a
captive."
"But since you've married him--"
"I didn't marry him; he married me. I was as much a bargain as if I had
been bought. And now mamma sees that--that she might have got a better
price."
I thought it enough to say:
"That must make it hard for her."
A sigh bubbled up, like that of a child who has been crying.
"It makes it hard for me." She eyed me with a long, oblique regard.
"Don't you think it's awful when an elderly man falls in love with a
young girl who herself is in love with some one else?"
I could only dodge that question.
"All unhappiness is awful."
"Ah, but this! An elderly man!--in love! Madly in love! It's not
natural; it's frightful; and when it's with yourself--"
She moved away from me and began to inspect the room. In spite of her
agitation she did this more in detail than when she had been there
before, making the round of the book-shelves much as Mr. Grainger
himself was in the habit of doing, and gazing without comment on the
Persian and Italian potteries. It was easy to place her as one of those
women who live surrounded by beautiful things to which they pay no
attention. Mr. Brokenshire's richly Italianate dwelling was to her just
a house. It would have been equally just a house had it been Jacobean or
Louis Quinze or in the fashion of the Brothers Adam, and she would have
seen little or no difference in periods and styles. The books she now
looked at were mere backs; they were bindings and titles. Since they
belonged to Stacy Grainger she could look at them with soft, unseeing
eyes, thinking of him. That was all. Without comment of my own I
accompanied her, watching the quick, bird-like turnings of her head
whenever she thought she heard a step.
"It's nice for you here," she said, when at last she gave signs of
going. "I--I love it. It's so quiet--and--and safe. Nobody knows I come
to--to see you."
Her stammering emboldened me to take a liberty.
"But suppose they found out?"
She was as innocent as a child as she glanced up at me and said:
"It would still be to see you. There's no harm in that."
"Even so, Mr. Brokenshire wouldn't approve of it."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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